i understand why suicidal parents kill their kids too

The only person keeping me here is my brother. The thought of leaving him behind to suffer under the same tyranny as I did is too much to bear. I stay for him, to shield him from my abusive mother and sister and the religious zealots in my family. My suicide would most certainly screw him up and I often wish that he were never born so I’d have no qualms about leaving. I could never harm him as I’m not crazy but I can see why other people might feel differently. I’ve imagined the sweet relief I’d feel at news that my brother had suddenly passed away; I’d finally be able to quit this stupid life. As it stands, I maintain the status quo for him and it tears me apart. I wish that kid would die.