Emotions strike me as unpleasant and weak. I am too narsastic and obsessed with controlling people to feel love for another human being. My existence feels like an obligation just another stupid person on this earth. I am done, I can’t take it any more. My mother has OCD , my sister has server autism, and I had autism when I was a little kid. I wish everyday that i could be the one who can be sick and my sister could be cured. my dad treats me like I am 10 when really I am 17. The only time I am ever happy is when I am high, and the only friends I have use me for my car and weed. My parents caught me sneaking out and are going to drug test me. I failed before but I just can’t give up the feeling of positive self worth I get. I’m sober now but unhappy. My kidneys are in pain from all the water I have to drink. I feel so much but I am unable to express it.
I use to write poetry everyday, now I am unable to write anymore poetry, I just want to be alone. Any social situation just feels like I am on fire. I don’t know how to act, I become an asshole. The scariest thing is that I enjoy being evil. I love the dark and the villains in situations. Yet people think I am the most perfect normal young man. When really I am such a monster. I have acne on my face, chest and back and that lowers my self confidence. My grades are going to drop. When I don’t smoke weed I will cut myself because I am in agony. I want out. The only think that makes me happy is reading people, and controlling people. Thinking for people and reading there minds.
If I was to die I feel like I could finally be at peace and to escape this torment I experience everyday with my lack of humanity.
I am an anarchist, I get more angry at the police officers then at murders.
Maybe the world is just too big for me.
Maybe living is just a waste of my time.