It’s been quite a long time since I’ve been on here,
Life still continues to pass me by. I met a girl who I have been involved with for around 9 months now.
I have learnt a lot about her.. Heck I even love her. I didn’t think I would meet anyone again at least not after the relationship I was in prior..
She’s changed from the girl I originally met back in December. She isn’t the girl I fell in love with..
She dismisses my feelings like they are just disposable. She’s sent my heart into a deep abyss, of darkness, anger and hate.
I have so much uncertainty in my life, so much frustration. I now find myself.. Sitting alone.. Stuck inside my head.. Wanting to end it all again..
I haven’t coped for a long time now, and life isn’t getting any better.. In fact it’s getting more and more unbearable. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go. I can’t string a sentence together.
I still love her but.. I feel I can’t trust her as much.. To elaborate on what exactly happened..
She works at a store, her boss is a friend who is quite a lot older than her and her mum dated this guy for a while.. They’ve been friends for 4 years now. He rang her late at night and asked her to come to one of his friends houses where he was. One of his friends was threatening to kill him..
My girlfriend, happily went. And found the guy who threatened to kill her colleague having a seizure on the floor. She was shaken by what she saw. And arrived home shortly after.
She then rang me the next day and told me all about it.
We had been thinking of living together, but with this happening. And not even a single spark in her brain went off to think to call me before she ACTUALLY went over to this guys house. How am I supposed to feel about that.. What am I supposed to think.
We’re supposed to be partners..
Not to mention the fucking shitload of other shit going on in my life… With losing my job, financial constraints.. Constant battle with depression.. And anxiety. Losing 2 of the most important people in my life in a car accident that I was also in. And this.
I just can’t cope anymore I want to end it all. People have been trying to help me with all of this.. But nothing seems to work.. I feel as though I’m doomed to suffer and wallow in this guilt, apathy, despair.. This unending nightmare of shit that keeps getting built upon.
Any thoughts.. Feel free.
2 comments
It seems to be when it rains, it pours. I wish that wasn’t the way things are, but here it is. The only thing you can logically do it cope, to be understanding and explain to her that you need more support. Remind her that things are hard for you, and you’re going through a tough time. You should maybe talk about your feelings more to her, even if you just need to have a good vent. Just try to get her to understand that things are hard, and you need someone who can be there for you.
Thanks man I really appreciate it.. That makes a lot of sense to me.Â
Although I do hope that she does in fact understand. Part of me keeps saying she wont because she is so caught up with her own shit. Her own self. He never used to be like that.. She used to be there for me but as I said she’s changed. She has gone from being the loving caring sweet compassionate woman. To the I don’t really give a fuck what you feel or think. Or how your life is going.Â
I shall try this approach though and see how that goes. Thanks again.