My first time here

So this is my first time even talking about this. I thought opinions from people i dont know might help.
I have been stuggleing with what has been described as a manic depressive disorder. I dont know of its any different from anybody elses, but the easiest way to describe it is that i can be brought down by things simple as a 3 second memory. Ill randomly become depressed for different severeties and random amounts of time. It can be mintues to months.
Latley though just cant get through it this time. I used to just tough it out and get over it. But it changed when a met the woman of my dreams. She meant everything to me. But we are no longer together. She helped me with it sooo much. While we were together i didnt had a major decrease in depressice episodes. Now that shes gone its like she took my abilty to wait it with her.
I have never attempted suicide until recently. I lost my best friend, girlfriend, dreams of my career have been changed dramaticly and im about to lose my current job.
I know these arent really outside forces that should matter, it just seems that one thing after another keeps falling apart. I cant take it anymore.
I dont want to keep fighting like this but i dont want to give up. I do everything i can to get through the day but it seems all so pointless. I just want to crawl into bed n disappear.
To make my “story” better is that my friend dragged me out to hang out one day. Before he got there i took half a bottle of pain killers. And went out. But what made my night isnthat ye brought ny ex. And while alone i finished the bottle. My friend left for an hour or less with me n her in the car. I ended up passing out for some time and she didnt even flinch. My friend found me and started to panic while she sat there and tried to go back to sleep.
Should i even be here anymore if im evidently so disposable? I gave her everything and i dont even get a second thought. One “friend” told me to ” just do it”. Maybe i should. I dont know what to do anymore.