Selfish suicide?

When I was 11, my older sister was abused by my parents and police got involved. Because I witnessed it, I had to stay with foster parents for 3 months before I could talk to my family again. After the 3 months when everything had calmed down, my parents started treating my sister as a princess because of what they had done to her and they treated me and my brother harshly. I was jealous, of course, and wanted the attention my sister was getting. When I was 12, I tried to commit suicide with an overdose of sleeping pills because of two things: I was getting bullied by a boy and his friends at school (they threw rocks and sticks at me and hit me everyday on the way to school and back home) and because I wanted attention from my parents (stupid and selfish I know but I was a 12 year old brat). My suicide attempt failed and was soon forgotten but I had started cutting a little bit after. I had stopped cutting for almost 4 years, but recently I started again. This time was because of myself not my parents or bullies or anyone else in fact. I’ve never really had many real friends and my parents don’t like me any more, they say I’m selfish and useless and constantly remind me that I’m an accident. That’s why I really hate myself. It’s true I’m selfish. People at school call me cold, snobby, selfish, and freaky, and they are absolutely right. But it’s hard to change… Life is not good, the world is dying and I’m sick of it, I shouldn’t be here. There’s no one personally making me want to die, just me.. I want to die, is that selfish? I think if I disappeared, who would care? My friends? Are they really my friends? My family..? No I don’t think so. Does this rant even make sense, I feel like I spilt all my feelings out and it’s just a big blur…