I was doing ok for a while….busy, had an relatively active social life, pursuing my dream (acting)….but now, seems as though things have come full stop. I hate it!!! Starting to think those dark thoughts again….starting to wonder if it’s really worth it. Hate my job!!! Hate my life!!! Hate being alone. Sure, I have my family (minus my Dad who passed away in Feb), but I really don’t want to burden them. This is my ordeal. I think I need to keep busy, it’s only when I’m busy that I don’t have a chance to think. Sitting and thinking is death. Thinking about my life, thinking about my loneliness, thinking about my misery and sorrow….I HATE IT!!!! I just want to stop thinking….stop feeling…just STOP!!!!!
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5 comments
Anyone will go crazy eventually just sitting and doing nothing. It’s definitely good to stay active with engaging physical/mental tasks. You have a dream, awesome, of course it will take time to get there. While you’re waiting it may help to find things to fill in the gaps. Hobbies like painting,writing,jogging,exercise,biking,hiking,crafts,games all help to fill those gaps in between the milestones of life.
I’m really just tired of being tired. Loneliness is just awful. I need acceptance, I need to be loved. I need to know that I matter.
I’m sure you matter to your family and friends; I’m sure they accept you. It’s never to late to find someone to fall in love with.
Lunachk, I don’t want to discourage you in the pursuit of of your dreams but since I also followed the road of an acting career, all I can tall you is that I wish I had built a plan B. There’s a lot of rejection in that business by the way, and sensitive people are prone to get depressed because of it. I only focused on acting and now I wish I had also studied something that would enable me to have the lifestyle that I feel happy with.
Scar504: Nobody wants to love a fat and ugly person, and that’s what i am.
Black Swan: It’s probably good that I never made it as an actress, it’s possible that I would’ve succeeded in taking my life before now. Instead, I was encouraged to study something that will “make money”. So I’ve spent the last 15 years working in the corporate world in a male dominated field and hating every minute of it. It’s getting to the place where I just don’t know how much longer I can go on.