falling

once again ive broken to pieces. how pathetic is that? im not suppose to break down. what the hell am i suppose to do? i just want to crawl into a dark hole away from everybody and just stay there. can i do that? no i cant. everytime i hide away i get dragged out and forced to face the fact that my life sucks. yea, sure there are plenty of things i can do to make it better, but it just seems pointless. everytime i try to do something that i want to do or that i think would be fun i get wierd looks and called a freak. or when i try to make a career choice for my future im always told could do better than that. well i want to do wat i like doing doing. if i want a happy future than i need to do something that i enjoy doing otherwise its pointless.
i just dont know anymore everytime i try to do something im always pushed down and told that i need to act like a proper young lady. i dont like how my life is controlled. everytime i get pushed down or sent away i fall deeper into depression. i feel like giving up.