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I want to cry but no tears come

by drowninginloneliness

Today I was cursed out and yelled at very aggressively by a client. For some reason that set me off today. It usually does not upset me like it did today… but I just don’t want to keep living. I’m invisible to everyone around me at work. They are happy if I get my work done. I want to to cry, and no tears come. I’ve been e-mailing and calling friends for support… but that only helps so much, then I end up back on here again typing about feeling suicidal, depressed, exhausted, etc. I feel alone. I wait on pins and needles for an e-mail from a friend just for the reassurance that I shouldn’t end it all.

I’ve been listening to this one song on repeat for like three days because it says, “IS SOMEBODY OUT THERE to ease my troubled mind…” Is there?

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4 comments

Duke of Marmalade 10/24/2012 - 5:50 pm

At least you get emails. I have to join sites that spam me with offers for discounted electrical items, health food supplements and cat food so as to have something to look forward to when looking through my in-box.

Works is kindof like an artificially created environment. No one really wants to be there. People that would never even talk to each other outside of work are just thrown together and find ways to tolerate it.

I wouldnt worry about crying without tears. You could try peeling an onion. It’s probably better to get to the root of the problem, the things making you unhappy. Try relaxing by making time for yourself. You don’t always need people around you to do that. It’s important to remain calm. Drink tea, eat a macaroon, watch television and forget the world. That’s there problem not yours.

ob1 10/24/2012 - 6:09 pm

duke, it reminds me of what tim said in ‘the office’:

“The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don’t know them, it wasn’t your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day.”

i think that’s probably the first time i’ve quoted something that wasn’t from star wars.

Duke of Marmalade 10/24/2012 - 6:28 pm

It’s a messed up world

drowninginloneliness 10/24/2012 - 7:10 pm

It sure is a messed up world, Duke.

And I like both of what you and OB1 said about co-workers being randomly thrown together… people we probably would never have met in any other circumstance. I think it is depressing for me, because I would love just a little bit of attention and I don’t get it. This sounds self-centered and probably is. But when will anyone notice how depressed I am?

I started e-mailing two different people again (one friend I was out of touch with, and one long-distance friend- neither if which I regularly contact- but they both seem to be supportive even if only by e-mail) and it is helping some… but yeah at least I have that.

Duke- I’m not good at remaining calm, or being myself. It is like I don’t know how to relax when I am alone.

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