i wish i lived back in the old days…

do you enjoy starting drama? i cant love my family because all they want to do is start drama because its what you thrive on. my father hid me and my sister from the world just so we wouldn’t end up like them and now we have terrible social skills, shes doing better than me though, i cant make friends because when i try to reach out to people they think im creepy or weird. all the people that supposedly love me keep treating me like dirt. i cant find my way and i just dont know what to do anymore but look back on the memories of when i was kinda happy, sad isn’t it? how my best memories are of when i was somewhat happy? my bulimia wont leave me alone. it doesn’t work anymore like it used to but i feel as if i have to do it because food doesn’t sit right in my stomach. i absolutely HATE the feeling of being full..not full as in i just ate alot at a buffet full, full as in content with hunger. and  all i ever hear anymore is about my sister. she did this and she needs to do this with her life. and shes pregnant now…. when my parents find out things in this house are going to get so much worse than they are now…shes trying to leave before she tells them but either way i loose …if she stays..hell…if she leaves..they take the anger out on me just like last time. plus ill miss her so much.. i don’t know what to do anymore i cant stand this world.. im an 18 year old white girl living in the absolute ghetto. im not racist but i literally am sickened by these “gangsters” robbing people, always asking me for money from me because im white i must be dumb and ignorantly nice…no..ive lived here all my life, i know how it works. i just wish i wasn’t here….like wipe off the face of the earth… cant trust anybody..cant catch a break…. i’ve written alot of suicide notes..just haven’t used them obviously…i dont know what to do….just needed to get some stuff off my chest..thanks for listening