My story is a long one, one I don’t have time to write about completely…
About a year and a half ago, I decided to kill myself. I had a mean, selfish, manipulative girlfriend who always accused me of cheating, cheated on me, called me a “disappointment,” threatened to leave me if I ever told a friend or family member about what she was doing, and finally dumped me via a text message. I had a “friend” who tried to take advantage of her cheating to make her break up with me so he could date her instead. He in turn had a friend laughing at me, sending me bullying messages on the Internet and taunting me that my life would never get better. While this was going on, my grades were suffering, I felt like my only friend was alcohol, and it was looking increasingly unlikely that I would be able to finish college. I remember deciding that I needed to either kill myself, or get help. I saw a school counselor, and as soon as I sat down, broke down in tears… keep in mind, I’m giving you the CliffNotes version of a story that took place over two years. All the pain, all the pressure just came pouring out, and when I finished telling the counselor my story, even she was in tears. After seeing her, I decided I needed to tell my family. I remember telling my dad about what had been happening, and he was shocked. But he also tried to help me the best he could, even taking breaks from his job in the middle of the day to take me to a doctor.
How am I now? Is my life perfect? Well… sadly no… I still feel like I’m fighting something stronger than me. But, my life, and my situation, is better now. I DID finish college, and I now live in a small town in rural Japan, teaching elementary school kids English while I contemplate what I’m doing for the rest of my life. Again, my life isn’t perfect… I at times feel lonely, and in fact today endured a MAJOR personal disappointment… but I’ve decided no matter what, I will fight, and I will live. When I feel myself about to drink out of depression, I stop myself, knowing that won’t help. I feel barriers, shields kicking up reminding me that while life sometimes sucks, you need to have the courage to say “Today I will live, and today I will fight to start to make things better.” And I’ve learned that when you can’t fight anymore, you need to tell SOMEONE… a friend, counselor, teacher, priest, it doesn’t matter. Tell someone you trust, and they will support you until you can stand on your own two feet and fight again.
I love you all! IT GETS BETTER!!! LIFE GETS BETTER!!!
2 comments
“what she was doing”
you knew that she was continuing to cheat on you and you stayed with her??
jack86: No, no, I mean she threatened to leave I told anyone how cruel she was being, this was before I found out about the cheating.