A Rhyme of my life all in one time

Okay here is why cause all my childhood untile the age of 5 I was tuaght that life is to Dangerous and that u can’t trust any one. No matter if there you friends or not and so I have been in total lock down house mode. Now my neibors/friends I don’t even know there favorite color and I feel so lonly cause the always pick on me and I am afraid if I am not Friends with them anymore I will be all alone no one around me will look down on me. And I feel so horrible because my mom and da are making me take these pills and they help me focus but every day after words when they were off I go back to being me then I start to cry for no reson and once when I was talking to this little girl I knew she told me what she wanted like a doll and a dress, I just stood there listening and smiling then I was smiling while crying till that day all I can think about is why did I start to cry, so yeah. And my throat burns so bad for no reson and I have not ate for a month now and my mom had eungh of me. not eating that she strapped me to a chair and try to feed me please can u help me?? P:s I haven’t ate for over a month