im not quite sure whats wrong with me anymore. i fall apart so easily on little things. i do not fear death at all but when someone makes a shrewd comment to me about my scars i completely shut down. why?
the other day when hurricane sandy came through, i was with my uncle and a couple of his friends at an atv park. well it was really windy and and the weather was bad. i had gone inside the camper and just 5 seconds of me going inside a tree fell on the camper literally missing me by inches. i almost had my life taken away from me. this incident did not scare me did not shock me at all. infact i acted as if nothing happened, i felt nothing. maybe its because ive attempted to take my own life several times? i dont know.
my emotions run wild and blindly. some mornings i cant seem to get out of bed. whats the point anyways? nobody cares to see me so why should i get up and dress myself up nice and put make-up on if nobody cares to see me? i still cut myself but i try to stop but i cant. i always think its never enough so i cut more. my cuts and scars accumulate all the time. i want to stop desperately but then again i really dont. what am i to do?