Cry A River, Drown In Tears…December 20

I can’t breathe right now. My hands are shaking. Basically the beginning of my never-ending panic attacks. I haven’t cried since Mitch Lucker’s death, which was November 1st. It’s like I used up all my tears. Well…they’re back. My ex lives 2,000 miles away. People have no idea how much we’ve been through to be together. I love him more than anything. I know a lot of you are tired of hearing that but it’s fucking true  I sacrifice everything for him. But as I was saying, he lives 2,000 miles away. If you’ve read my other posts, you’ll know we aren’t together anymore. [We used to be perfect and not have fights but every since my problems started we kind of clashed.] I remembered we planned to meet each other for the first time tomorrow….It’s killing me. I should have my bags packed and I should be tossing and turning all night because of how excited I am to kiss him for the first time….instead no bags are packed. No one will be driving me to meet him. I won’t have him in my arms tomorrow. But I will have a sleepless night.