I am really angry, shaking and depressed right now. I hope anyone will take time to read and tell me what to do. I’ll just spill everything here, things which I have never told anyone, and I’m trying to keep tears in. I guess it’s okay to blab here since my identity is unknown in this site anyways.
Actually I have long known and lived by the principle of “never lean upon anyone” and I do practice it. But still I’m angry with a recent occurring.
I have a friend, call her Cucu. We have been friends a long time. So my other friend Juju invited us to her party. I am from a shit family with shit financial condition and I do not own a transport of my own. So this party is kinda far away and I live near Cucu. It had occurred several times that she give me a ride if we go for parties together. But this time, she just texted me and her style is cold and indifferent. I don’t know what’s wrong. But I got angry and I won’t fucking ask for a ride because I can take a taxi there. (though it will be expensive).
But that is not the problem, you see. The problem is I’m sick of this kind of life. I want a car. And this fucking woman who gave birth to me will not allow me because finances are limited, and I am going to university. I want my own transport. I want to get out. I want to stop relying on any fucking person for a ride. My only hope is this January entrance exam for uni admission, I hope to get good marks to get scholarship so we can buy a car.
But that feels like 30 years to come. December has not yet even ended, fuck this, fuck everything.
I know you all may laugh upon reading this but I really am depressed. My youth is gone because I can’t hangout for parties I don’t have transport. I live in a fucking third world country and it is impossible to go by those pissy public transports while I’m with dress, makeup and heels. How to think people out there lock themselves at home when I, here, want to desperately get out but cannot.
Please help me. I don’t want to return to that razor again.
Shit, that does it… now I’m crying and I’m back to feeling wanting to die. No one will read this.
I want to die… I want to die.
7 comments
wow really sorry! what’s really important is your school so you can make money and get the things you need,you will have time later to party,sorry but that’s the way it is,do not cut! stay beautiful for when you do get a car so when your with”I’m with dress, makeup and heels.” you will be attrative without scars! things will change. you can’t count on anybody but yourself actually it’s a good lesson to learn now while your young.
Rocketman is right on point – january is 6 days away – not thirty years – even though it might feel like it – deep breath – calm down and focus on the solution/goal and not the problem – and the blade will not help with the solution, it will only add to the problem – there’s nothing wrong with asking for a little help now and then – relying and expecting others to always be there is what we should avoid becoming dependent on – i hope you find a way to the party and have a good time – but if not, i’m sure – ABSOLUTELY sure there will be others in your future
hermit dawg
Hey Hogpotter…I did kinda warn you about this after you were having so much luck. Just listen to the smart guys…and know this is only a bump in your road…a long, wonderful road out of depression.
More than anything I just wanted you to know…we do care…and we are listening….and I wish I could give you something to hang on to…cuz these feelings are apt to change …remember how good you were feeling? But it takes work, time, and practice to make those changes permanent.
Now dry your tears…stay home or go to the party…either way it’s all good. And re read your last couple of posts if you wouldn’t mind.
You are better than this…remember…one step at a time.
Peace
Ama
Hey….keep your head up. My father doesnt have the money, I dont have transport, Im going to be going to college soon too. I know things seem rough and hard and tiring but things get better. You seem abitious and you seem like you want alot out of life. People like you will go far in life. Because you have goals and wants. Keep your head up and keep trying. Because one day, the ones who you were dependent on, will be dependent on you. You will go far. I would bet on it
Thank you everyone for the responses.
Actually I just kinda got angry and depressed back then.. now that I read back my post, I feel embarrassed I had actually wrote that >.<
I found a solution to my problem already. 😀 I'm going for tomorrow's party. I'm not going to stay here and die because I promised myself I'll find my way out.
And no, I didn't even go near the razor.
Seriously all your advices and supports just made me happier. I love you all. xxx
And we love you too!!! 😀
Don’t be embarassed…aren’t you human like all the rest of us? hahaha 😛
Lots of Love
Amakua
true friends are far and few between!!!!!! I am 41 and just found my best friend earlier this year. I’ve known her for 13 yrs and at first we hated each other. but then realize eventually that we are exactly the same person. she is the only friend I have. I have acquaintances, but she is my only “friend”. it takes time to find true friends….