Help

Feels like I’m aimlessly floating. The addictions I can’t seem to beat and the ones I just don’t want to or see the need to leave behind. Tired of not living.. but don’t really feel like I want to ‘live’ anymore. Floating around and around. Moving inside my head. Thoughts telling me that I’m not here, I’m not really here.. Just watching everything pass by. I’m not on any medication or drugs, thank you very much. This is how things are. Music drives me. Tales of adventures and forbidden love. I get lost in other worlds.. I can’t handle this one. It can’t handle me. Feels like I could wander off to another state of mind permanently and none would take notice. I have a boyfriend, who is incredible. But how much can he really help? He can’t. There’s a line where you have to make a decision. One I wish he or anyone else could help with.. No one understands why I stare. Why I space out and smile to the clouds.. Why I just stop. And then begin again. I am the outside of the circle. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t blend me in or put the pieces back together. You can’t. I love you, but you can’t. I wish you would have tried.. but no, not tonight. I wouldn’t mind just dropping myself off the edge somewhere. Floating aimlessly… I feel lost in this world. The world I have created around me. Or around the people I am with most. Because, it’s theirs, not mine.. isn’t it? I just walk the paths and eat a bite when the energy and strength is gone. Terror. The dream world.. The dreams that are nightmares. They comfort me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being awake. It’s a chance to get into another story. Another life of sorts. I feel like I can’t contain all the stories running wild in my head. Wild, running wild. I want to run.. I’ve always wanted to run. Runaway <3