I am 20 and a student at stevens institute of technology for mechanical engineering. i dont know why i feel like this, it all started last year around christmas time. i began to feel very depressed but i treated it like everything else about me i dont like, i covered it up. It escalated over that semester and through the summer. now im in my third semester and im slipping to the point of failure in every class. if i dont pass all of these classes i will be asked to not return to the school, which is not an option. Ive pledged a fraternity and they are the greatest  group of guys I’ve ever had the privilege of calling my brothers. all my life I never really had friends like these guys and the thought of being that guy who failed out and couldnt do it is killing me. on top of all of this my family is making a great sacrifice to keep me here, i have 3 younger brothers and they all still have to go to college and with my parents wasting their money on me constantly for this school it just makes the pressure unbearable. My dad is trying his best to help but everytime i talk with him i get this look of disappointment and embarrassment, i can even hear it over the phone that he thinks im just not good enough. all of this just makes me think it would be better if im not around. Suicide has been crossing my mind every minute of every day for the past 4 weeks. if i cant pass or find some way to stay at this school i wont be able to live with myself, im afraid that if i leave i wont find friends like ive found here theyve stood by me through everything and i would take a bullet for anyone of them. The way im feeling now is scaring me and the fact that i might go through with it makes it worse but i dont know what will happen next. i end every conversation with my parents with ” I’m so sorry!” just so they know when they think back on talking to me before i kill myself (if i do) that i never wanted them to waste anything on me, that i tried and i just couldnt measure up. the worst part is im Terence jr so i have all that expectation to live up to him….
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4 comments
Hello Terrence
First off welcome. You will find many people here you can talk too at pretty much any hour of the day.
Second, what you are experiencing is very common amoung students. You have put too much pressure on yourself. You should go to the college counsellor, it should be free of charge, it usually is. Find someone to talk too, if its a professional they will probably know how to help you on the first few visits.
Suicide is not the answer, death is an eternal end, life is posibility.
Hang in there terence
If school is too much pressure, just take a break for a while. Your life is more important than anything, so make sure you take care of yourself before worrying about living up to expectations. I’m sure your parents will love and support you no matter what happens, and they would prefer anything over you being dead.
You are you, not your father. So even if there are exceptations, only go with those what are your owns. And don’t kill yourself. It’s not the solution. Maybe you should get away from your family and school and stuff and just clear your head. I don’t know.
“Hang in there, Terence”
Mechanical Engineering is making you lose the will to live.It happened after 2 years of Math.I agree your Dad is not helping