Completely lost my identity to bipolar three years ago when my family pushed me into hospitalization and disability. had a shitty psychiatrist who overmedicated me to the point of not being able to function. so medicated that I couldn’t hold a job, lost three in one year. My career is over, as one of the jobs was in my career field and I was fired. I’ve tried 17 different medications. now i tried ECT and it has obliterated my short term memory and ability to feel anything. I have no desire to do anything at all. My mind is completely blank. I was so drugged that no one would have anything to do with me, including my family. Now I am alone. I call people but they never call me back. I’ve been too scary to them for too long. My life is empty. I am empty. I am tired of living in oblivion. goodbye
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Just today I held the gun to my head. Why I couldn’t pull the trigger is still shady. I guess I found myself being more afraid of what would happen if I did. I know there are ghosts. I’ve seen them. I find myself thinking if I feel this way, how would I feel as a spirit still stuck here, but no-one could see me. At that point I felt that would be much worse.
The cops ended up coming after I came to this conclusion. I thought they were trying to help but I found otherwise. They took me to a hospital. I ended up lying and acting like I was fine just so I could leave. I don’t feel locking me up will help me, making me worse is more like it.
I read this and a chill came over me. That is how I felt but I hope you can think of how it could feel afterwards and it help you like it did me
I’m tired of people trying to make me feel guilty for being sick. My daughter called, asked me how I felt and I told her I wasn’t doing so well. That just brought on a lecture of how I am supposed to be able to control my emotions like she does and how maybe I should choose to be manic instead of depressed. I am organizing my pills and getting ready to go. There won’t be any cops.
we are one of the same…ive never been able to hold s job, i too have had ect which messed up my memory, i take manyb different kinds of meds but i finally found the right concaction and am doing better. it yook years though. keep trying.