After 4 months of not cutting…I’m going to cut tonight.
You dont have to read this and, believe me, i’m not writing this for you.
I’m writing this for me.
For forever I have been trying to show people that I understand and that they’re not alone and that i’ll be here for anyone and I was never needed.
For too long have I held off on cutting for your fucking happiness and so YOU wont have to be disgusted with my fresh wounds.
For years have I held out on stealing YOUR boyfriend because I know that we’re soulmates and HE kissed ME and I pushed him away because he had you no matter how much it hurt me.
For what seems like an eternity have I stopped myself from murdering the families of the low down dirty idiots that have slaughtered mine and their very voices and faces haunt me to sleep.
I’M FUCKING TIRED OF KEEPING THIS INSIDE AND I’M FUCKING TIRED OF NOT SHOWING YOU PEOPLE JUST HOW FUCKING CRAZY THINGS CAN GET….
I swear to allah either I die…soon…or there will be hell to pay.
For the people who took the only people that have ever cared about me…
I’m writing this through burning crying eyes…You made the mistake of leaving her twin sister alive you dipshits…and she’s finally broken. Coming for you. Tick tock.
8 comments
Please don’t cut yourself up. I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, but its just not worth it.
Oh..YOU dont think it’s worth it. YOU see the faces…YOU feel the pain…YOU feel the guilt…YOU feel the hate…and you think it’s not worth it.
No, it very much is worth it.
Just consider his point Alicia. Why punish yourself further? Why add to the ugly things you’ve faced?
I deserve to be punished! I let them die! Add? All I ever want to do is take away anymore…
Whether emotionally, mentally, or physically- you were incapable of preventing this I’m sure. You did not LET anything.
Clearly also, you are a very selfless person. You’ve kept all your judgment locked up inside. Your mind is not an infinite storage space to be filled with pain and hate. Occasionally it has to be cleaned up. It’s excellent that you’re doing that here.
I just cant do this…I shouldve protected them..I cant deal with my life anymore. Not if their killers are still out there and not if I cant be with the only person that was able to numb that pain. I live and breathe pain and hate…I’m just so tired…
If you are tired, then you sleep. If you are very very tired, then you may sleep for a very very long time. When at last you are awake and refreshed, no longer dizzy with fatigue, you take action. You responsibly search for the killers and you turn them in. If you cannot find them, then you must trust that the Lord has delt with them. You move on with your life, knowing you did all within your power, and you always sleep when you’re tired.
I’m sorry Alicia. I don’t know your whole story. I didn’t realize that someone killed your loved ones. But it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t kill them. If you want to avenge their death, then you have to track down their killer. Why cut yourself when your energy would be better spent tracking down the guy that killed them?