; I feel lost.. Confused.. Unsure of what I am doing.. Why do I get hooked on things that can only hurt me.. Why do I smoke? Why do I do it all? Is it to get rid of the pain? Why am I like this? Oh bj & a ride to get weed.. What have I became? It’s a disaster.. I feel like a whore? I had sex when I was 13? With a 16 year old? I feel soooo gross. Why would I do such a thing.. The high lasts forever & makes me feel amazing.. Am I hooked? Could this go farther? I hope not…
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
I’ve just come across your blog right now, and I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner to help! Naturally, there will be times when we deeply regret a decision that we’ve made and when we begin to hate ourselves. Does that mean you’re a bad person? Of course not. I’m sure you have loving friends and a family that would do their best for you. And no you’re not a whore. You just wanted to experience the world at an earlier age, that’s common. I’m sorry I’m not being such great help, truth is I’ve been crying for 6 hours straight so my eyes are burning a bit and I really wish I could sleep although I’m scared for tomorrow. This isn’t about me though, this is about you. I stopped by to tell you that if you ever need a person or friend to talk to, I’m here 🙂
Kailee,
This is such a delicate topic. I hope this comes across the way I intend and you hear me out….
So you traded some sexual favors for some weed. Well, that would be the definition of a whore. Selling oneself for money or something of value.
You are NOT a whore. You just did something stupid.
BUT – it does not end there. Please keep reading. Okay, you did something stupid. I get the impression that you have done a bunch of stupid things. Some repeatedly.
Oh well. You are still young. You are SUPPOSED to do dumb things at your age. It is expected. We are not born perfect or all-knowing. The true question (in my mind) is are you LEARNING anything from your mistakes and do you want to CHANGE???
You did a bad thing. Maybe many bad things. So have I. So has pretty much everyone here. NONE of us are perfect. Maybe your mistakes seem a little “bigger” to you. But are they unforgiveable? No. Did you murder someone? Did you eat their corpse? This is something you can get past.
I have been here from about a year now. I have seen you off and on for most of that time. You ARE an okay person. You just have to be a little stronger in your resolve. Don’t beat yourself up too much. YOU ARE OKAY! Choose better.
You are not a whore, you are not bad, you did not do a bad thing or something stupid, and you did not make a mistake. Enough of the labels. You did the best you could in a desperate situation. Sometimes we make choices, almost always unconsciously, which harm us. I have learnt that when I do this, it has come from a part of me crying out in pain that I needed to heal and learn to love again. As my self love increases, I find I am less and less drawn to destructive people and situations. I also could not have done this without the support of a professional, therapeutic practitioner. Someone who specialised in the areas I needed help with. It has taken time and commitment yet it has been essential for my healing. Do not let mainstream society dictate how you should feel. If judgement has to be made, place it entirely on the culprit who knowingly took advantage of you.