I hate how he can get under my skin.. so easiley

ive been trying to avoid my x for weeks.. cause i want to forget.. that i eever cared..
tonight i was talking his friend..
and
he was there.. so all my avoiding him has gone to waste.. now ive been on skype with him for about 4 hours and i know you’ll all say this is my fault.. and well i know it is.. I let him get ot me again. I wanna die. I hate this. I was planning my death tonight to. I gave my faimaly a chance to have fun with me for new years, and i gave them one last christmas with me.
I told all my friends at school i probaly wont be seeing that after the break..
I hate this.. how he can get so under my skin. he knows just what to say to make me blush. We were playing 20 questions. I asked him one think he wanted to do before he died.. and he said fuck you 🙂 then he like okay nevermind
I CANT TELL IF HE LIKES ME OR NOT!!
I HATE THIS
I HATE HIM..
but i love him..
so much
i dont think he knows that

I shall scars on his arm during the video chat
i asked what it was he said well it doesnt matter you have more cuts then i do..
i froze..
i hate this
when ever he feels akward he brings up my cuts..
he knows i hate to talk bout this..

I’m thinking about sliting my neck with a scapel. Cutting back behind my neck hitting my pain arteries.
It would take atleast 30 seconds to bleed out or cut the artiery.
I hate
this
i hate him
i hate life.
Fuck it all
im so sick of everything i wish last year i had succeded..