Suicide, Anxiety, Depression

Who am I? I was born November 22nd, 1997. My parents?.. Ha, no. I didn’t have any. They abandoned me in a apartment all the time so they could go buy drugs! Why? I don’t know. Both of them had been in and out of jail multiple times. One day, while they were off getting drugs, I was at the apartment and neighbors heard me crying. They called the police… The police knocked on the door. No answer. They kicked down the door. I was taken away. I remember being in a cop car starring out the windows while it moved. I had no idea where I was going. I’m not sure where I went to first. I remember being in a foster home. The people there would refuse to feed me at times. It was horrible. There were 3 kids there who weren’t foster kids. They were 12, 14 & 17. I was 4. They were mean to me. “I just felt so alone and didn’t know if anyone cared or not.” I was taken out of that foster home and put in a different one. I was there for awhile but then they couldn’t take care of me anymore. Their friends adopted me. Age 5-10 were okay. Around 5th grade, things got bad. I lost my bestfriend. We got in a argument about something and refused to talk to each other. 6th grade, I had a boyfriend. We really liked each other. But we kept dating, then breaking up (about 3 times). The last time, I wasn’t taking him back. His bestfriend liked me and I didn’t like him. So, both of them kept calling me a slut, whore, ***** etc. I started to get really depressed. But I wouldn’t tell anyone. At a point in time, I had no real friends. It sucked. In 7th grade, those two boys and I got along and became friends. But, then I got bullied again. By two girls that were new to my school. They would harass me. Just rude. I talked to the principle about it and everything got settled. 8th grade… I moved to a different school. I made some friends, and also there were a couple of people that didn’t like me for some reason. I don’t know why. One girl was trying to fight me. So, I spoke up to my counselor about it. And the girl never spoke to me again. In April during 8th grade, I got in a go-kart accident. I ended up with a severe head concussion. I slept all day and was lonely. I couldn’t do anything. Everything just hurt. I couldn’t play soccer …that devastated me. In August, I got cleared from my concussion. Yay! Oh, crap. Here comes September 15th. I’m in 9th grade. Second concussion..didn’t see that coming. I was playing soccer, and a girl tripped, hip checked me, & stepped on my head. I hit the back of my head on the ground. I was brought to the ER and told I had a head concussion. I started to become really depressed. I wanted my life to end at that very moment. In October, my life almost did end. It was October 19th that I overdosed on Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I had a suicide note written on my hand. It said I was gonna starve myself and overdose. That’s exactly what I did that day. My parents called the police. The police said that it was better to take me to the hospital then to be sorry for me dying. At that point, no one actually knew if I had taken any medication because I refused to speak. They took me to the hospital…there was a lot of talking about what to do. I was placed in a Psych Unit for a week. Most of my time there, I sat in a corner of my room and cried. My family came to visit me almost everyday I was there. My bestfriend would call to cheer me up. Still, I was alone. I was scarred. I didn’t know what to expect while being in a mental hospital. Finally, I got discharged. I was still depressed but I was okay. November 27th…I was at school. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the weekend before. I was in 4th hour and I fell asleep. No one could wake me up. I could hear people yelling trying to get me up but I was lost. It was like I couldn’t understand anything that was being said. I was brought to the nurses off where I then started to have seizure like symptoms. I was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. I don’t recall the ambulance ride. My principle supposedly rode with me to the hospital. I met with my moms at the hospital. I had to get an IV put in my arm. It hurt. I needed fluids in my body because I was dehydrated. I got transferred to another hospital, by ambulance. I was admitted to an EEG Unit. I had to stay there for 3 days. They put wires in my head. I hated it, it hurt. The wires would track my brain wave to see if I was actually having seizures. There were 4 cameras in my room..they recorded my every move. I felt trapped. There, I had suicidal thoughts. My concussion was causing way too much stress. And I wasn’t getting any better. When I got out of the hospital, the doctors said that I was having non-epileptic seizures. My body was trying to release stress and having those seizure like movements was the way my body let it all out. As of this very day (1/3/13), I am still not cleared from my concussion. I still have suicidal thoughts. And I don’t think this concussion will get any better for me…