the walking dead…

I’m here but, not all the way. I feel as if I am dying alive. Thye world is picking at my wounds. My cuts are being doused with ALCOHOL! I no longer feel as if, I am a human. I am hurting inside more than words will allow me to explain. I mutiliated my body again, I slash for each person who has hurt me. I Cant deal with this horrible pain. Shattered glass stabs me from within, I bleed an invisible blood. I drip sorrow from my eyes. Where has all of this anger come from, why are my dreams terrorizing my reality? Why am I this way? Why am I becoming this person? I look into the mirror yet I do not recognize the girl I am seeing. Who is she!? Why is she crying!? What has changed in her life? The blood rains from her wrist, she’s breathing harder than normal, she’s not a pretty sight, her reflection scares me! Who is she!? I do not know this girl…She’s crazy..she’s mean…she’s wicked…I can not help her. I reach through the glass to grab her hand, There’s nothing there. I cant find her. I hear her crying, I cant find her, I see all of her hurt written on a wall in this parallel universe. I close my eyes and here I am, alone in my room…sobbing songs of hurt, into my razor blade microphone. The highest part of the song is reached, I grab my pillow and scream as loud as I can. My ears ring, my ears burn, My eyes burn from the residue of running mascara, my sheets are stained with blood….I can not find an escape from this pain.What do I do? Who will hold my hand as I crawl along the path of internal pain!? Who will guide my steps, as my journey of life is poisoned!? Who will hug me during my darkest time!? I feel as if no one is here with me. A single black scarf wraps itself around my doorknob and ties itself to my dresser handles. It sits there tightly knotted. It creates a barrier between me and the world, therefore I am alone! My fingers tremble at the thought of death, I stare at my wall…filled with diplomas, awards, letters from colleges, copies of letters of recommendation, gifts from friends…and other things…I began to feel hope for the future. Is there hope!? I talk myself out of suicide..I think of the terror of being locked inside of a hospital again..I imagine the heartbreak I MAY cause. I grow concerned. I cut myself again…”ONE FOR ME!”..for I have hurt myself the most! I try to live, I try to breathe, I try to move on, I try to grow. I struggle with this pain and humiliation….I scar my OWN body….I have to hide my OWN arm..Is this who I am!? I dont know WHO I AM! I desperately need a hug, I need to be comforted, I long for the understanding of another being…I grow weary of being punished….I am humiliated..I am hurting…I LONG for a hug.. I cry for the loving embrace of someone who can comfort me. No one is there. where is everyone.Can you guys see me!? IM HERE! someone please see me! :'{