Imagine somewhere dark.Â
Now imagine yourself in the middle of it.
Imagine yourself in a cell, with no way out.
You’re scraming, you’re crying but no one hears you. There’s no one around you. You’ve pushed away everyone who cared.
Imagine you have no clothes on, you’re naked, there’s nothing protecting you from the cold iron surrounding you. You are powerless.
There’s smoke around you, growing thicker and thicker. It’s dark. It’s feels like darkness’ tendrils. They start surrounding you, not allowing you to move, you are stuck.
Stuck in a cell, not able to move, all by yourself. There’s no strenght left in you, each breath already drains so much of your energy. There’s no way out. You’re too weak to even try.
In this cell I close my eyes and hope to die. But I wake up every morning. I’m still here, in this cell, clogged by such an intense darkness that I can barely breathe. There’s no point anymore. Each day there is less and less to hold on to.
21 comments
Look, you’re a great person who cheers other people up and just happens to be depressed even though they don’t deserve it. I want you to be happy. Did something else happen? I haven’t been able to check my email today. What’s making you feel so bad? Is it just school or just depression or what?
Life happened. I don’t do anything right, I just hurt the people I love. I’m sick of being a piece of shit. I just want to give up.
Im waiting for my parents to go to bed because my day was shitty. I fought with my friends again and I hate my parents and I’m done dealing with it all. I just want to go in the bathroom and cut myself up, but I still want you to be okay. What can I do? You shouldn’t give up, you’re in a position to be successful and your family loves you and always will even if you don’t always feel like you’re pleasing them. You did something right to get into that university. Life does happen, but you’ll get through it like you have before.
I’m sorry you fought with them again.. Try and say no to the urge of cutting.. Go eat, or something. I’ve eaten so much today – chocolate, chips, bread, you name it. It’s like I feel so empty that my body needs something to fill itself (even though the emptiness is not food related). My mom wants me to change degree. And I will do it to make her happy. I know it’s because of me that she is hurting. This is the least I can do to make her happy. Whatever, my life will have a end soon anyways.
Yes. You described it perfectly. The smoke, the cell, that’s where I am.
Yes. You described it perfectly. The smoke, the cell, that’s where I am.
If you want to make her happy, then you won’t hurt yourself. You need to explain what the problem is and get some medicine for it. At least try to. You shouldn’t think that way. I don’t think you changing to some other degree you don’t really want will make her happy. You’ll still be depressed and that’s why she’s unhappy, plus you’ll have even less motivation to get up in the morning and go to classes or study.
I don’t know what I want anymore. I just want to lie down and not have to get up. It’s not that I wouldn’t like it, I just know it is worthless cus where I live diplomas like that have no future. It’s not like in the US and UK where you can get a degree in something specialized. I just wanted to be able to get a diploma from that degree in that university.. I don’t love the university, but the degree is good. But I can’t even do that right.
freezinginfire, btw check your email before you cut yourself.. I just sent you this hilarious picture that I came across today (one of those with hilarious captions). Maybe it will make you smile and the urge to cut will decrease a bit 🙂
You were doing okay before you were depressed right? Have you tried that stuff to help you focus yet? You can do it right once you’re able to focus again. I’m confident even if it’s rough getting back into things. I’m in the US but I’m worried I won’t get into a university. Everything is so competitive and the economy is shit. I don’t even know what I want to do in the future. I guess if making your mom happy will make you feel better switching degrees is fine. I’m not sure how to help you other than recommend you try some of that medicine you found to focus so that you can study. I want things to be better though.
I’ll check the picture as soon as I can, thanks. Stop telling yourself you can’t do anything right! You’re sending people who had shitty days funny pictures to cheer them up! 🙂 I really want to see it now.
I think I’ve been falling into depression for about 6years.. Kinda realized this from a conversation with my mom today. Last 2years were the worst so far. That’s when I start thinking about killing myself.. Before that I was the perfect little daughter. And I wish I could go back to being that person. But I’m too tainted now. I can’t find my way back.
Why are you worried you won’t be able to get in? If I may ask. In universities, nowadays, something really important is your personal statement. If you get a really good one the chances of getting in increase. And in the US you always have the first year that allow you to pick different subjects to try and see which fit you best so that could help you narrowing down your choices.
Well, just because I’m not happy doesnt mean other people can’t be. That’s kinda what I think. I hope you will like the pic. I was laughing for a bit after seeing it.
I haven’t been actually depressed that long, maybe just 6 months or so, but I’ve always had trouble coping with things. You should try not to think about suicide, but it’s hard sometimes. People change, just be the best person you can be right now. I guess I should work on a good personal statement. I know I have time to decide I just have no idea where to start. I need a list of options or something, I’ll have to look one up. I’m worried I won’t get in because I can’t go to a university out of state and because the ones near me are all really good. That means it’ll be great if I get in, but I’m not quite in the 10% they accept automatically and there’s usually around 30,000 aplications for 10,000 slots. I guess it just makes me nervous to know that.
I’m glad you were able to laugh today. It’s nice to know that :). I’m sure I’ll like it, but I can’t see it until in the morning, so I’ll tell you what I think of it tommorow.
Listen, that’s something I might be able to help you with. I wrote tons of personal statements, and although I know best the UK application proccess (I applied there – got in, couldnt go cus thats when my mom was diagnosed w cancer – another of the joys of my life), I also know somethings about the US proccess, and I can get some more information from friends who applied there. I’m here to help you 🙂 Oh, and extra curricular activities are a must have as well.
I’m good in extra curricular activities. I was on a team that had to engineer and market a robot and I play and write music for piano. Those are like the only things I like to do. I can ask my dad what’s available at the university near us, because he knows people who work there. If you can send me an example personal statement next time we email, I’m pretty visual and learn through examples. Thanks for all your help! 🙂 Hope tommorow’s better for you! I have to go, I took some stuff for my allergies and I’m about to fall asleep.
What about charity work? Universities like that as well. Argh, I wish I knew how to play the piano 🙁 Alright, I see what I can find – no promises that I can send you tomorrow, but in a couple days yes. Alright, hope you are able to rest and dream about something happy! Hope tomorrow is a better day for you too!
Feels like my life soon in the future.
If you think it will be like that in the future, does it mean that you can do something to avoid it? Cus if yes, don’t let yourself fall down.
This truly reflects my life…
Trapped…
Lost in the darkness…
Searching for a light, a reason to hold on.
I hope you find your light!