I feel like such a failure. Everything I do, or try to do turns to shit. I could go through my life story but it would bore you to death. Â Â (pun intended)
I see my family and past friends on facebook, I know facebook sucks but it’s all I got most of the time, and they all seem happy living the life I always wanted. My girlfriend from high school is a grandmother. My friend from the military is retiring after a long rewarding career. Another past girlfriend looks as beautiful as she did years ago when I thought I wanted something different. My nieces and nephews, that I hardly know, are or will soon be starting family’s of their own. My last relationship failed ruining my credit, and I will never be able to overcome the financial problems I have been left with.
I could go on, but to make it short; I wanted children, I wanted a career, I wanted a beautiful wife, I wanted to be part of my family, and I wanted financial security.
Now my question. Knowing I can’t obtain what I wanted in life and knowing I have made so many mistakes, is life worth living?
3 comments
Perhaps…, life can still be worth living.
Have you considered reassessing what you want in life, from this time forward, not from years past that cannot be regained. What dream from your youth is still possible? An artistic endeavor? A charitable act? What else besides the things you listed rang your chimes?
More than anything in life I wanted a lasting equal relationship with a man. It never happened. I was hurt, over and over and over. Friendships are different. I’m still friends with two men from my past–one whom I hurt, one who hurt me. Life isn’t fireworks, but it’s loving.
The financial part is the most difficult for you, difficult to regain after a certain age.
As to all those happy people on FB. I have FB friends whom you would think were deleriously happy from their FB postings; yet, because they confide in me, I know the truth. All kinds of suffering in this world. They are not deleriously happy, simply delerious on Facebook.
For me, as to neices and nephews, they were told that I’m the weirdo in the family. My family are Tea Party. I voted for Obama. Who is the weirdo? All a point of view.
Life is very difficult. But every now and then, you see a glorious sunset, a rainbow, hold a tiny kitten in your palm, watch a deer eat your azaelias, a cardinal land on your deck railing, hear music that stirs your soul; and you learn to appreciate those things that are good about life.
Yes, life can be worth living. If you have simple pleasures.
Vedura
Hi Wraith, thank you for sharing your situation here. It’s always a brave thing to do.
PLease, please, please shutdown your Facebook page. Everything on there is just horsepoo. Total made-up rubbish. Everything is selective and out of context. That photo of your ex girlfriend is probably a decade old and has been through Photoshop. Your military friend may well not be mentioning the service broke his mental health and all he ever wanted to do was do back to school to become a painter.
Don’t ever use someone’s outward facade as a benchmark for your own worth. x
I ask myself the same question for similar reasons. No husband, no kids… can’t have either at this point.
I don’t know if you’re able to do this without worrying your family but I would suggest deactivating your Facebook. It’s only going to torture you. I shut mine down 7 months ago with the thought that I’d reactivate it “when I’m better”… I still have no desire to connect to people in that shallow way, and it’s too painful seeing everyone leading such happy lives — even if it IS all bullshit, as Vedura points out. It still hurts. If anyone wonders how I’m doing they can just wonder, and imagine a better life for me than I ever had. If I do get better I still think I’d want mainly new people in my life, people with no expectations of me, who don’t know my failure and shame unless I confide in them.