This is mental torture. My brain wont allow positive feelings and pleasures, it rejects them like foreign territory. It is not used to positivity so it doesnt know what to do with it. It teased me by making me feel confident and excided and content and motivated for a very short time then slaps me back in the face and replaces these good feelings with guilt anxiety paranoia saddness bordome and fear. It feeds these thoughts into my mind virtually automaticly , thoughts like “you are undeserving to feel content, get praise, . You are a bad person your doing it all wrong, you cant do anything right, any choice you make is wrong.”, and so as you can see the positive feelings will dissapate instantly. Can i strengthen my brain to allow these normal deserving positive healthy thoughts and feelings to come about normally and make them last ? Can i learn to block out.these negative feelings ? ive tried so many things maybe im not tryong hard enough to ignore the bad thoughts.
It is honeslty mental torturey brin cant enjoy one simple moment without analyzing it for “error”. Im not stressing enough thae thoughts that i have. It is virtual
It i have always found it very difficult to experience pleasure in what others find quite stimulating. Leading me to the potentially misdiagnosed “add”. I have always had very little or odd interests and i believe this hhexplains my “shyness”,(innapropriatelylabled),my troubles relating to peopls n my mental confusion.
iwhat the hell is wrong with my goddammit
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Do you see a therapist? I think CBT is effective in unlearning these destructive behaviours…
In any event, those bad thoughts really are unnatuaral. You learnt them somewhere along the line, so I really do believe it must be possible to unlearn them.