I gave up on me

Hey. I’m 14, a freshman, and a survivor. I wanna share my story.
November 28, 2012. This is the day I swallowed 29 Prozac. This is the day I felt so alone, like always, but like I didn’t even deserve to breathe. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything. I was nothing. Worthless. A nobody. I’d lost everything. My mom. My bestfriend. My sanity. And someone took my innocence.
Two days earlier Nov. 26, 2012 I went to hangout with my bestfriend. He was 17. Yes I’m a girl. Yes he’s a boy. Yes we were bestfriends. We’d been that way for a long time. We played Black Ops all the time at his house. I didn’t think he had anything going on for me. So I went down there to play Black Ops like usual. But he had other things in mind. He raped me. And his mom knew it was gonna happen. She opened the door and laughed while he did it. Afterwards I was bloody, sore, and covered in bruises. But that was better than what I was feeling on the inside. A major sense of betrayal washed over me. I felt like I wasn’t even human. I told my mom…she asked me to not speak to her afterwards. I was lost, alone, and I gave up on me 2 long, awful days later. I took what was left in my Prozac prescription and I walked to the park. I swallowed the pills and was ready to die. Wen I woke up I was in a hospital. I came within 20 minutes of my body fully shutting down. An older woman had found me and called 911. She saved my life. I now live with her. But I now face my rapist everyday. And I get bullied. And bullied. And bullied. When will this end? Hopefully soon.
I gave up on me once…and I wanna do it again.