“We’re all lying to the mirror, lying to ourselves.”
March 2013
Please read it. It´s mabye the least thing I´ll let this world. (Sorry for the bad english , brazilian here  the çletter was originaly in portuguese , and as I dont have the patinecie to re-wtrite it , it google traducted it.)
Well, my family if you are reading this now, I already am no longer among you. I know, strange, even more for you than ever realized how I was feeling alone, abandonada.Não for you, and of course, my choice was to abandon them, especially my mother, for staying with you and pretend to be this family happy while you secretly let out their venom […]
I want to die. I’m so sure.
“I tried to be perfect, It just wasn’t worth it, Nothing could ever be so wrong”….
Wow, Hey guys. Haven’t been on here for a very long time. I want to be able to say that I have gotten better, I want to be able to say that I’m happy. But the truth is I just don’t really know how to be happy anymore.
Anxiety and stress are controlling my life at the moment, No matter how hard I try I usually end up giving in to it and cry. I would be completely lost without my boyfriend, the five hour time difference doesn’t even bother me just so long as I have him on skype. I still feel comforted even when […]
taking a break from household drudgery to write something. got a nice buzz going, listening to some old Offspring. hadn’t listened to it for awhile. if you are familiar with the Ixnay cd you know “amazed”. that song seems to sum up my current thinking. the next song “save the world” reflects my worldview perfectly right now. just some insight into me. subject to change, of course.
She paints a beautifull picture
but her storie had a twist
her paint brush was her razor
and her cannavas , her wrist
She screems for help
but there is no one there
just a shinny metal
RAZOR BLADE!
She cuts and she feels alive
she crys
the pain is the only thin that keep her
in life
She can´t take anymore
she is going to be mad
survive is not an option
since she is already DEAD!
Inside….Inside…Inside
Inside…INSIDE , INSIDE , INSIDE INSIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
She is losing her life
And the last thing she sees
is her bloody knife besides her
she is finaly free
They found her
But is […]
There’s a light. The other way. (Don’t read it. Banal stuff)
Hi people out there.
I read some of your stories – and I do find some of them similar to mine. I’m so weak sometimes, so sensitive and lazy to cope with real life. With that awful life out in the big world, all it’s demands, all that efforts we have to make to indulge it and what it wants from us really isn’t little.
Life wants from us to be normal. To be like anyone else. But sometimes, we just can’t.  Know why? Because we are all so different. Any of us. Any of the other people too who pretend to be normal… All that people we’ve […]
You must have wuestionned it once. Or twice. It´s a lame  question, I admit it. (Sorry for my bad english , Brazilian here.) But it´s really how life goes to me right now. I once had friends. But now they are just faces. They still think I´m ok… But I guess I´ll never be anymore. I don´t think there is a place where I can acctualy be heard. I´m alone here , as usual , and triyng to forget all the stupid things I´ve done. I mean , there isn´t no one to blame right? I´m just the only one. Many kids don´t have any […]
and tomorw never came
my life warpt in pane
no one to love
no one ever came
no one cared
and fals promisis were made
do we even know
why it ranes or snows
people are just pisst with me
no one fucking cares for me
tonight im going to think of tey
to show that at lest i care for you
ill still be here for you
even now im dead
for i have lost it all
so ill gve it all to you
i care if you dont
i love if you whont
i WILL SACRFICE IF YOU ARE AFRADE
i […]
I just can’t quite do it. I’m so, so close. I’ve got everything ready, prepared in a bag. I just have to go to a hotel and do it. It’s completely safe for everyone else, just a peaceful death. But I can’t get over that final hurdle. God this is so hard. Living is hell but dying is still so difficult, or rather, killing myself is still so hard to do.
I don’t even know what I’m asking for. Just some kind of help to get me over this last obstacle and not suffer anymore.
i was talking to a frend i told her about my pane and how i whantid to go shes been helping me with this for a bit now but today she said if i reley coudent stand the loneyness and hert aney more i she’d let me go what dos that meen dos she whant me to go has she had anuf of my ranting and crying she was the only one who lisind to my trubuls and she was the only one who cared for me now she says this ? i dont know what to do and people wont care if im gon and it […]
i think i told one too many pains medz but im still in pain …….i keep black out now gonna try and sleep off the pain bye loves
Oh, look. Just to make my day a bit better. My mom comes into my room, insults me because I “slept for 30 minutes longer” and then she goes on about how I’m “ungrateful”.
Mom, you’re a disgusting *****. A disgusting person, your mind is horrid and your actions are in vain. I regret knowing/acknowledging you as my mother. As well as my sister, you have not only allowed my biological father to beat me, but to allow him to visit me, knowing he had molested me and the cursed words he had told me in my room as I played “Naruto”, will never leave my […]
I don’t know why, but in the mornings I can somehow bear to look at me. Even smile. I forget the torments. I pull myself up from the bed, get ready and to my office.
For everyone, home is the place to get relief, some solace. My journey from office back to these four walls is my life’s way of telling me, “n you thought today would be better?”
A life where you just wish atleast one single thing to come around. Something which will not kick you in the face when all you can do is look into it with deep hopeful eyes. Somewhere, back […]
I know people care. I know that I’m not completely useless, although a lot of the time I am. I know that every single one of you would not expect this from me. As I sit here making this note, as hard as it is and as much as I want to, I can’t cry. I feel nothing right now. I am not scared by my potential actions; I feel no regret in giving myself what I believe to be what I deserve. It is not complete emptiness, though. I feel loneliness, depression, and an overall feeling of shit. Shit for every time I have […]
I seriously hate goodbyes. All they ever do is make people cry. One thing I love, though, is Black Veil Brides. So, I was sick and bored, so I watched an interview of Andy Biersack. He said a lot of stuff about bullying, and it made me feel a lot better. So, yeah, Garrett’s gone. He moved last week. I guess it’s okay. I miss him, though. He was a good friend. A lot of my friends kept saying that he was a jerk and stuff, but I told them to shut up. Man, I’m sick of going up and down. I mean, people tell […]
Deadline. It’s a funny word, is it not? Almost two days have passed since March 18th, 2013: my deadline. The day when I told myself that something had to change, something great had to take place, or I’d end it all. It’s strange to me now: all that time, I had told myself I would do this, and then when the day finally came… I hoped out. Not chickened out, not choked out, hoped out. My mind is afflicted and warped to always believe that things could get better, even when the events out my life have proven that to be painfully false more often […]
Well i have had these thoughts as everyone else here and have been to all the doctors. Thay say take this pill or what was your childhood like or you must have been molested and are blocking it out.
Well i was allowed to play sport and feed and clothed, schooled in canada and dont recall being molested.
I just want to know why i think the only way out is to end it and my life is good really just the thinking is rotten.
I have a supportive wife 2 houses car fulltime job all the stuff anyone could want but still the thoughts come that im […]
I think I hate myself… no wait, I know I hate myself.
I’m just sick of everything. I’m sick of the pressure to try and fit in, to try and have friends, to look good so people talk to me.
I’m sick of being a people pleaser, of hurting other people.
I’m such a f*cking *****.
I wish i could stop thinking straight. I wish I could let go of my obsessions. I wish I could run away and be alone forever. I wish I could slash up every inch of my body. Anything to get away from this f*cked sense of reality I’ve learned […]
This is quite simple, there isn’t much to explain but ill write how i feel, it doesn’t really matter cause thats not the point of this post.
Tbh, i really hate myself, my body, my face, the way i am, im 21 and full regrets. i wanted to live my life in a certain way but no matter how hard i tried, i couldn’t and i still cant change it, i ended up being lonely and i started thinking about suicide.
my question: When you think about commiting suicide, what are you thinking ? regreting h0w you lived your life ? about the ppl you […]