I don’t know if I should bother telling people about my feelings anymore. All I do is make people sad, annoyed, or mad when I share how I feel. I hate being a burden to everyone I love. I wish I could just be happier or be better at pretending to be.
March 2013
Who could have ever thought i would make it this far. Check all my past posts,i have lived below the basic standards of life,i have felt more pain than words could mention,but i had a good laugh with a friend today and i realised that despite all this. I am alive to live and laugh again
here are to the good times
I’ve had in my life.
those fragile little moments
where I know i’ll survive.
here is to the haters
here is to the world.
who thought that they could beat me down
but i won’t lay upon the ground.
I’ll throw some punches.
I’ll get you back.
hell, i’ll hit.
I’ll give you a slap.
Cause no more!
No way!
I won’t take your crap.
Here is to the losers,
the outcasts, who cry.
here is to the mourners
who still know how to smile.
Here is to my people,
the ones who know how to think,
at least were […]
to be honest i’m not really sure what i’m doing on this site but i’m ust gonna go with it. I’m not trying to sway anyone into my thinking or anything this is just my own experiences and opinions. So I’ve read a few posts and stuff and it’s kind of strange but i feel like i can relate. People are saying stuff like “oh you won’t do it” and stuff like that but ppl will, they always do and that’s what’s wrong with this site. you shouldn’t test ppl. I’m just hoping to get some advice on how to kill this shit before myself. […]
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. There are no more times I could laugh for real. Everything’s just fake. It sucks. I once had friends who I trusted in my old school, but then I transferred to a new school and realized they weren’t the friends they said they were. Now, In my new school, I do have friends. Friends that are only for the good times. I don’t know who to trust anymore. Sure there are times when I tell other people my problems but those problems are the problems that even I know I could bear with. But what […]
Today a girl talked to me. The one I’ve been wanting to be friends with since I  turned up at the college. Her name is Tina and she’s from a parallel group. I honestly don’t know why she gifted me with that 5-minute chat. She was bored, obviously. And probably in a bad mood because of having to get up too early. It could be just that none of her friends was around to engage her, so she sat next to me and complained. It felt so awkward, I couldn’t find words to keep the conversation going. All I could manage was a couple of […]
We all have felt the pain of this cruel world. Bullies, insensitive adults, ridiculing teachers, and so much more. This is a pain that seems to last forever. Truth is, it really does. I still can remember the pain I felt when I was bullied in elementary school. No matter how many cuts and bruises we take, we will never feel a relief. I love to feel the bite of any razor, and even cut over the same cuts over and over. Still though, over time the pain I recieve from these cuts dwindle more and more over time. My body now ridden with dozens […]
Lots of things had happened and all they turned me into stupid depressed teenager. I used to cope with the problems and I was fine, but now things are worse. Nothing can make me happy. I have only one real friend but although he tries to make me happier, he can’t. The others laugh at me, tell me I’m fat, stupid, ugly, idiot, etc. My family doesn’t understand me. They thing I’m ok, but I’m not. I just can cope with all my problems. I tried to stop self-harming, but I couldn’t. I didn’t eat for days, but I got ill and it didn’t help. […]
I am the last honest guy on earth. I gave her everything and she promised the world to me.
I gave her all of me. My Love, My Patience, My Kindness, My Caring. everything that made me the last honest person on earth.
She gave me a wife and 2 kids. A House and even a job.
She gave me things I did not have like Motivation, Strength, Willpower, The reason I needed to get out of bed everyday.
She took it all and the world she promised, She took it all back.
She took it in pieces over time, first my Securities, then Control, then my Trust, then My […]
so back in october i made my first attempt and obviously failed but about a month ago i made plans for my second and now that’s in about 2 weeks. i feel really sick to say this but i’m excited. i’m sick and tired of this bullshit feeling and the only thing that gets me through the day is thinking “in a little bit it will all be over, you’ll be free” i know i should be thinking of everyone i’m going to leave but i’m so tired of living and being here that i could care less.
Yesterday was my 27th birthday.
Today I slept until 6:pm.
I feel terrible all the time. All I can do is sleep and eat. I move through the perfunctory functions of life. I have a job, kinda. I want to quit because my boss is a ***** (isn’t that everyone’s story). I don’t have health insurance, pay out of pocket to see a psychiatrist. For 20 minutes of his time he takes half my weekly salary. I’ve been on 9 or so medications over 12 years. I use to feel smart. Now I feel broken.
I used to fantasize about one day having a dream house, […]
Words are wind
Gentle summer breezes, the kind that I’m always waiting for but that never seem to arrive.
Winds that bear rain down upon me. Every raindrop is just more bad news, each one building on the last to create an overwhelming flood.
Cold winter winds, that pierce through even the thickest coat, and cut straight into my heart and soul.
Fierce wind storms, tornadoes, that tear down my shelter and leave me broken and battered, but still alive to feel the pain.
Words are wind, they always say.
But who says wind can’t hurt you?
So as some of you may know, on October 16th I tried to end my life but survived. Well Now it’s been nearly 5 months and I’m healing. I went to a therapist last month and that really helped. I’m happy again, finally after all this time. I live in a town where we have lost 6 kids in the past year alone to suicide. It’s pretty tough. But now our town is growing together and helping each other get better. We started our own suicide prevention and help page and everyone is sharing stories of survival and triumph and struggle. Prayers are being shared […]
Words cannot describe how much I dislike the people in my life right now who keep contacting me. I ignore them and they keep trying to talk to me. I cannot stand them they always just talk about how their lives are soo much better than mine for Christ sake just fuck off and leave me alone. When I am hanging out with them I never act myself around them, and I end up hating the person I am. I wanna experience new things and try finding people who can understand me more. I wish people could just understand me.
I think I’m mostly just venting/ranting/whatever..lol
I’m a 35 y/o woman that’s been struggling with severe depression most of my life, some times are worse than others… bit I think that’s all of us right?
I have a caring husband of 5 years ( we’ve been together 7 or 8 total) & I know he loves me, I have 2 cats I adore….They are my reasons for living… that’s about it….
I also have just found out my years of smoking cigarettes ……….( among other things in the past I’m sure! ) have caught up with me, my doctor can’t seem to give me a straight answer on what level […]
This is a letter to those who feel like their only option in life is to see their death. To those who feel like they need to take this step in order to see something better, because what they seek in life isn’t here.
Who am I? Ever so briefly, I am someone who has traveled this road for much of his adult life, someone who experienced the depths of his own personal sorrow. Someone who felt his pain was only destined to be magnified by the events in his life which always steered him in a singular direction, toward the […]
I want to cut so badly… someones gotta convince me out of it. I need to cut. I need a blade on my skin right now, I need to see blood. I can’t deal with taking cutting completely out of my life.. I need it. I NEED TO CUT I NEED TO BLEED AND I NEED TO FEEL IT. Holy fucking shit getting help is way harder than I thought.
I am convinced that everyone deserves the best, except myself. If Hitler were still alive, I’d be convinced he deserved happiness more than me. Everyone and anyone has value, except me. All those people who die, I deserve to be them. I find everyone to be perfect and beautiful except me.. I can’t be the only one who thinks this poorly of themselves.
Daydreaming use to be enough for me, but now it isn’t. I don’t know what to do. I want this to just be over.