I can’t believe it.
She’s gonna die. She hasn’t died yet, but she’s on the brink.
My BEST FRIEND who has cancer is going to be gone forever. I just don’t know what to do! I can’t help her because I’m not magical, but I can’t help feeling that I’m supposed to do something. Seriously, I’m just lost.
She has an overall positive attitude about it, on the outside. But if you have a best friend, you can tell when they are actually fine and when they are scared shitless. She is scared shitless, and who can blame her?
She has less than a year to live. What am I gonna do? I’ve lost a best friend before and I don’t know if I can live through it again. I’m just not sure. I’m scared out of my mind, I can’t eat, I already couldn’t sleep but now I have another thing on my mind. What am I going to do? My mother has decided that she’s going to ship me back to Ireland to stay with my aunt. As much as I want to go back home, I can’t. I have to stay with Kelsey as long as I can, but I can’t say no to my mum. She’s not giving me an option. It’s like my mum hasn’t got a heart. I promised Kelsey that I’d be there for her through everything, everything. And I intend on keeping that promise, Lord knows I’ve broken too many.
She says that she only wants four things out of the rest of her life.
1. She wants to see a 1D concert
2. She wants me to fall in love with 1D (Im not there biggest fan…at all)
3. She wants to go to Ireland to see where I grew up and see all of the beautiful things in Ireland. (to which I replied “There are too many beautiful things in Ireland. You’d never be able to see them all if you had a hundred years.”)
4. She wants me to be happy.
The last one shows just how sweet she is. She doesn’t think of herself, even when she’s dying. I wish I could do the same. She’s going to die, for Christ’s sake. God, that word seems so horrible; die. It’s so final and dark.
I can’t believe she’s going to die. I’ve probably said that a million times, but whatever. I love her. She’s my best friend.
I have the shittiest love life. (I’m bisexual btw) I fall in love with people who I’ll never get. I fall in love with people who will always turn me down, who are my best friends, or who I jsut flat out don’t deserve. I’ve fallen in love with people before, but the last one I actually loved killed himself. Now, the only person I’ve actually loved since him is dying too.
Why does life have to suck?
Sorry to bugger you.
5 comments
@ sleeplessinSTL It’s awfull when someone you love is suffering from a terminal illness… Feeling so helpless seeeing that you can’t do anything for her… and knowing that soon she will be gone… Death is horrible… but it doesn’t have to be final. Did you know that God promises a time in the future when we will be able to see again the people dear to us that have died? In a world free from disease and death… What do you think of such a promise? Do you think it’s possible?
@just.me.20 I’ve basicly given up hope in god. I’m tired of begging and getting nothing. I’ve tried to fix my life and God hasn’t helped me when I’ve asked. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t believe but I’ve been quiestioning it for a while. I was actaully raised partly in a muslim house, but when I was adopted, I had to change to Catholic. As for Heaven (that’s what I assume you where talking about) Then agan, I’m not sure. I believe in a higher power and a release from life, but I’ll just have to wait and see.
Sorry for the rant:) thanks
@sleeplessinSTL Well… I didn’t refer to Heaven. The Bible talks about a time when, here on Earth, the humankind will be free from all the suffering that burdens it now… a time when even the dead will be ressurected. Jesus himself said: “Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life, those who practiced vile things to a resurrection of judgment.” (John 5:28,29)
I’m sorry you feel that God hasn’t helped you when you asked him… But for God to help us when we ask him…. don’t you think we should at least care to find out what HE ASKS of us first? What do you think? 🙂
Well she isn’t dead yet my advice enjoy what little time you have left with her. She said that she wanted to go to Ireland before she died so take her with you if she’s healthy enough right now, and if not then stay with her. I know you said your mom wants you to go back to Ireland but if your an adult you can choose not to. I think your mom is trying to save you from the pain of watching her die and is probably concerned about u especially since your bf killed himself that’s a lot to handle, but the regret of not being there will be intense. If your underage then just skype with her every day be there with her in spirit, what counts isn’t that your there physically so much as that your there emotionally. Either way though I think that after she passes you should go back home (if you have a good relationship with your family) it’s going to be rough trying to get through this and your going to need all the support you can get. All in all though just be there for her emotionally but make sure to take care of yourself to it can be extremely draining, taking care of someone like that. Make sure that you have someone to talk to about your feeling with regards to this besides your best friend, maybe a support group or something through the hospital? Remember in order for you to help her through this as best as you can you need to be mentally healthy yourself.
Just love her as she loves you. It’s a massive burden for anyone to bear, knowing your love and energy will be futile in the end, but she’d do it for you. As Iwanttofeelawake said, there are numerous ways to keep in contact with this brave, lovely girl, and there are things you must do to take care of your own health. She clearly sees more hope than any of us put together. But there are going to be times when she’ll be down and will need you to pick her up and give her more reason to fight. I wish you and your friend as much happiness as possible with what time you have left, and I hope you can help her enjoy her life without hating yours. You need to be strong for her, and for yourself. <3