The first time I tried to kill myself was on November 3rd 2012.
I was friends with this girl Tori, and then one day, for no reason I know of, she changed. She hated me. I didn’t know what I did. But that week after she changed was hell for me. She called me things, made fun of me, tripped me, hit me. And on that day, I’d had enough. When I get on the bus, I instantly regretted it. It’s like I could feel that I was going to go home and kill myself. My bus stop is the first one, right before hers. When we reached my stop I got paranoid for some reason and prayed that she wouldn’t do anything. But she screamed out MOO at me, and all her friends screamed COW PIGGY and OINK. And everyone laughed. I ran of the bus, and down the road, crying. When I reached my house, I didn’t even think. I went to our medicine cabinet and grabbed all the pills I could find. And I took almost all of them. Then I blacked out.
When I woke up my mom was standing over me, she said I’d been puking and sleeping all day, and that she’d kept me home from school. My first thought was “Crap, I’m still fucking alive. I puked up the fucking pills.” And the next day at school I heard that the first thing people thought that when I didn’t show up, I had killed myself. I don’t even know how they knew, but everyone did. It was terrible.
Total failure times: 16.
4 comments
My classmates taunt me everyday, too. However, when I disappear, nobody will notice.
Sometimes I wish that nobody would notice.
Does your mom know?
No, she just thought I passed out and was sick or something. But she knows now that I used to cut myself, I don’t know how she can’t put the two together.