In reading the many comments here I am struck by the community of pain that we all share. There is strength to be found in this since it allows us to see that we are not entirely alone and that there are others out there who are suffering just as intensely. This is a comfort in many ways.
Over the past 2 years I have tried on no fewer than 4 occasions to end my life. After each failure I found a way to convince myself that “God wanted me to live”. I am now in the process of my 5th and hopefully last attempt. Rather than try methods where my natural survival instinct saves me, I am instead choosing starvation as a method. I am on my 11th day. Hunger pains passed by day 4. Now, rather than try and find a reason for surviving – instead of telling myself that “God saved me” I am allowing God to “step in” at any point of the process and “save me”. I believe genuinely and strongly in God. If he doesn’t save me then I will know that I was not “meant” to be saved and it was only a superstitious hope that kept me hoping for salvation in the past.
12 comments
If you wanna talk David. I am here.
And ya – I can relate to you….. I shouldnt be alive either and I struggle with WHY didnt it work type thoughts…
What methods did you two attempt?
sorry – but i dont think it is wise to publish that info. Let me just say – according to my research that I did before my dozen-plus attempts….. it is not POSSIBLE for me to be alive. Yet I seem to be stuck in my crap-filled existence.
God, is there anything so annoying as how coy the suicidal become when asked for specifics? Especially those who claim to have tried multiple times.
This is what my research has turned up: shotguns to the head, injesting cyanide, laying down on railroad tracks, blowing yourself up with explosives, and jumping from 150 feet (250 feet if over deep water) up or more up.
That’s what works.
At least, those all have a greater than 90% chance of killing you. If you really want to check out, trying stacking methods. For example, use the shotgun to the head method while laying down on railroad tracks with a train within plain sight. Of, if you have long arms, use two shotguns. Or use two shotguns while laying down on the rails.
For further reading, go to lostallhope.com, one of the very few really good sources of such information on the web. Seriously. For all its reputation of providing people with information they shouldn’t have (like suicide success rates by method), the web is actually remarkably prudish.
So when I hear people claiming to have survived a suicide attempt, especially when they’re coy about their method, I get this image of a gigantic poser in my head.
with ALL due respect….. FUCK YOU.
I am no poser. I have enough issues without some brainless troll trying to call out someone with suicidal issues.
You are really pathetic to attempt to upset someone who IS suicidal.
It’s not a competition. Why should anyone feel pressure to commit suicide because of opinions on an Internet suicide blog.
Nah, uselessme me is right: implying that he’s a poser was over the top.
It’s one thing to find it unbearably coy when someone comes to a suicide blog and says that they’ve tried repeatedly to kill themselves but can’t bring themselves to say how. But it’s another to pointlessly insult them. Should have just stuck with the former.
Live and learn.
It’s up to the person who is considering it. A blog shouldn’t determine that.
@ Dallas That’s sensible, whether right or wrong you don’t stand to gain anything by reaching that conclusion and I don’t think you meant anything by your comment. People cone here for all sorts of reasons; sympathy, make friends, pick up gurls etc. Whatever. Your skater than that. Just focus on yourself and what’s going to put you right. Most people don’t really want to kill themselves, lifes difficult and like with everything, trying to get out of a difficult situation sounds appealing but most functional people don’t see it as a realistic solution.
Unfortunately, Sub, I was in a pissy mood of my own, and the way that suicidal people talk to other suicidal people, or rather DON’T talk to them, about methodology really does annoy me. So I went into bull-in-the-China-shop mode. This is the last place members of the Club of Suicide should be getting attitude. So apologies all around, especially to Uselessme.
Well, we all say things we wish we could take back. I wouldn’t worry about it.
FYI – Uselessme has an over strict interpretation of this site’s rule to not discuss methods … which is technically correct but it’s not meant to restrict even mentioning methods used or considered – it’s just meant so that people don’t post step by step “how to …” guides to the method in question.
mentioning a method and it’s results is not out of line
clarification dawg