The only heaven there is, is the one you get to experience for a limited amount of time in life, it usually involves someone else in your life, and the whole time you are in this heaven, experiencing the awesomeness of togetherness and nothing in the world matters but you and the other person. During that time you are creating the hell for yourself, because when that heaven is over and that person is gone, all is lost. There is no going back and the memories of laughter freedom and the truest of friendships will forever bring you the most pain and sadness lonesomeness one can’t even imagine. For the darkness to really set in and the old memories of such happiness to have the reverse effects. to see that person in your mind who was so dear, in the chair they like to be in, at the table where you sat with them and had so many touching conversations or just made jokes and laughs while eating a meal. To still smell there sent on your cloths and blankets to see there possessions they liked so much. Even the stores where you shopped together at. The laughs and horsing around or just holding hands, being with them was all that mattered you were together and someone cared. The memories of looking into there eyes and feeling nothing but happiness for them and for you. Looking into there eyes and feeling whole. you were completed in life at that moment. Every little thing you do brings back these memories everything you see (the table, the chair, the store, driving around only to see the vacant seat next to you) the pain is unbearable the misery’s of missing someone you can never replace again it is lost forever, you can never go back to it, you try to bury it but to no avail, you try to run from the memories of leaving everything you did together behind. The memories will never leave and the pain they bring will never leave. All your hopes and dreams are gone. There is a warmth there you have between one another with each other and it goes out like a small flame in the wind when they are gone and your cold when its cold like this id like to die.
You are alone now just alone. With knowing what its like to mean something once.
For god sake let me die
I don’t matter anymore
I try to rely on time to take away my memories it’s such the thief of them.
This isn’t working they never leave they never stop hurting
My body is dying my and mind is gone into the darkness of a comfortable misery
I miss the light
All of me is gone im just existing and everything around me lives with the memories of light,
The tears always right behind my eyes holding back so hard.
I realize now after all this that nothing ever really mattered in the end all these material things we cherish so much they mean nothing. I would gladly give it all up to have that person back
To make things right like they should have been.
The one thing that broke in my life I can never fix.
I see the people around me laughing being social and carrying on with there friends
Where is my friend I ask myself. They are gone. I answer
They tell me it will be ok it will pass, I look at them with the eyes of a ghost
I see threw them, there words hold no feeling or comfort its all so bland all so empty like the world is to me now everything is hallow nothing matters anymore.
I will miss them forever and forever really is no time at all.
They where everything to me and they are gone nothing is left for me here now.
Who are you are you trying to care. Why do you scare me so much now? You care do you really? now im terrified of you(ill push you away) i cant go threw this again. please leave me alone. I can’t have anyone with me again I don’t want to go threw losing someone again. Help me I want you to care I cant care? help me
Who am I now. Who do I go to? where can I go to?. I am so scared to want. to lose someone again. Please god just let me die. What do I go home to.
Where are you? you were always with me. Where is your laughter your happiness?
It was a beautiful sun rise……
I no longer want anything out of life anymore im just waiting for it to end praying to a god I don’t believe in to let me die. I have no one
Where are you. You were always with me.