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Feedback wanted on note

by Twitch

Greetings all.  Getting ready to do the deed and was hoping for some feedback on my, admittedly, unconventional final remarks.  I wanted to try and keep things are lighthearted as possible given the subject matter and place the blame where it belongs–myself.  Iwould appreciate any thoughts.  It does need to be right the first time after all.


To whom it may concern;


I doubt that many people will read this and fewer still are likely to care.  That said I felt I should say something before the big recycle so here it is.  I’m done.  I can’t do this anymore.  I have decided to go the gun route since they are lying all over the place down here and there is little room for error if done properly.  It also excludes any unpleasant Anna Karenina moment at the end.  I don’t know about you but I found that bit rather disturbing and more than a touch maudlin.  Ending your life is something you only get to pull-off once so there is no excuse for fucking around.


First a few necessary preliminaries; WHY am I this now:


1)      I am utterly alone and miserable, having alienated myself from everyone who may have counted themselves a friend at one time or another.


2)      I am in excruciating agony on a more or less constant basis; physically and mentally. The headaches are getting worse and more frequent, my teeth are rotting out of my head, and I rarely sleep more than an hour or two a night. All day long I dwell on how miserable I am and how I can do nothing to change this because I am powerless to alter what I simply am: a pathetic, worthless, loser unfit for human company.  As evidence, I site the fact that the majority of you have wanted nothing to do with me for a decade or me.  I am NOT blaming here.  You are to be commended for your sound judgment.  Those of you who, for whatever reason, hung in there longer than the rest know what I’m talking about.  Hey, you tried…


3)      The “Twilight” franchise has made close to a billion dollars.  I can neither tolerate living in a world where this is possible nor sit idly by without protest in the face of it.  Just think of me as the Buddhist monk setting himself on fire to protest the Vietnam War.  At least some decent music came out of that mess, this shite is wholly unredeemable.



And now the wrap-up, as it were:  These things should be terse; I have always appreciated that understatement trumps the over-wrought, and brevity is something to be valued. This is already gone on too long but among my myriad faults is my inability to leave bad enough alone.


I can’t write anymore, read, or do anything to distract myself for even a few minutes at a time.  Even something as passive as watching TV is beyond my capacities now.  I can’t go ten minutes at a stretch without being overwhelmed by paranoia and anxiety and this is only getting worse.  I am a smoldering pile of human wreckage that can do nothing but sit here and dwell on how utterly miserable I am twenty-four hours a day and how there is no one left who gives a damn to hear it.  I don’t blame anyone but myself for that of course; the one thing I showed some skill at was fucking up and driving people off in frustration.


For those I have wronged and disappointed over the years I am earnestly sorry.  If it offers any consolation or justice, I have suffered the most at my own hands and I leave now without the slightest self-respect or joy in my heart. If I ever felt such a thing it has long since been buried and forgotten.  Even now, when it doesn’t matter in the slightest, I’m desperately trying to remember something good in myself that would excuse my train-wreck of a life but I have to confess to drawing a blank on that score.  For what it is worth, I honestly wanted to be a decent person.  I just didn’t have it in me.


So, I hope I made you laugh at some point along the way and that there were good times even if I can’t recall them now.  If there is any love for me still out there I have but two words: VIKING FUNERAL.


As to parting words I must beg one more unwarranted indulgence.  Granted, formal death poems are typically done in the tanka style but then again, I’m not Japanese.  So here it is then:


Above all men does lord the stately worm,
No king or pharaoh or padishah holds
A fiefdom as vast as the worm enfolds,
Nor commands his vassals so long a term.

He feasts of his subject’s meat and marrow,
Eating far too well to have cares of gold;
His wealth, the fruit of the earthy barrow.




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yoh200 4/18/2013 - 7:44 pm

Beautifully written

coitus 4/18/2013 - 7:59 pm


KealieghRachel 4/18/2013 - 8:06 pm

I just want to let you know that someone does care. You may not see them yet, but they are there. You CAN get help. You can go to a hospital. Get medication or some other form of treatment. You don’t need to do this. Please at least think about what could happen 2, 5, 10 years down the line if you don’t go through with it. You could be happy. With a family. Earning a good wage. You can overcome this. It IS possible. I just hope you realise that; before it’s too late.

glass_music_cup 4/18/2013 - 8:07 pm

I wish I had a chance to meet you. Your words in the note really hit a spot. I relate to you in so many levels, and understand the darkness and pain. I hope those who read the note take to heart how much pain you were in, and belief and need to a peaceful exit.

If you are interested in possibly making one more person laugh or to exchanged a few words, please feel free to email me. Whatever you decide in the next few moments, there is no judgement. If you decide to hang on a little longer, I am here to listen.

I wish you all the love and peace in the world.

Twitch 4/18/2013 - 8:07 pm

As to the “rubbish” comment. Well and good but would you care to point out WHY you think so? People here are so negative, lol.

RenoBill 4/18/2013 - 8:32 pm

Well done! If you change your mind and decide to hang around, you could become a writer!

coitus 4/18/2013 - 8:45 pm

1.) never begin with a disclaimer
2.) in your case just keep your 1) and 2)
3.) the important note is trivial (unimportant)
4.) stay on topic: like whether to cremate
5.) no one cares what YOU think is wrong with the world
6.) consider the audience: some poor slob who just found your carcass
7.) check your facts: there is no franchise on earth worth $2T
8.) keep it short: the best suicide notes have all been brief
9.) your poem is a horrible end to your torturous diatribe

Twitch 4/18/2013 - 8:52 pm

Thank you; I would disagree on a few points but honest feedback is what I asked and was looking for.

coitus 4/18/2013 - 9:02 pm

My points are each elementary. #5 is meant in the context of a suicide note. Manifestos are a good place to put complaints. Try for elegance less is more in suicide notes. Cute-sy phrases like “tried the whole being alive thing” are really insulting. I doubt anyone here actually read your entire diarrhea, but we try to be supportive. I won’t BS people about their note it should be clear concise and good.

Twitch 4/18/2013 - 9:14 pm

Well, the Twilight crack stays in. It is not meant as a serious social critisism (though I stand by the remarks) so much as an occasion to be flippant and not take things too seriously. Also I need a solid three reasons or else people will think I wasn’t trying. Remember, this is directed at people who know me.

I have condensed some items (post has been updated) and taken out what I saw in retrospect as self-pitting bits. There is no call for that after all. though i must say, in this form, it reads a lot more hostile. I will have to play around with it some more.

As to the verse bit and the end: Bite me; everyone is a fucking critic…

tupacorbiggie 4/18/2013 - 10:33 pm

Great note my friend. I don’t think I even have the energy in me to write a suicide note. If I did write one it’d probably say “Fuck it, I’m out” or some shit like that.

perspectivexx 4/18/2013 - 11:01 pm

i love you.

coitus 4/18/2013 - 11:02 pm

To be fair, writing a good suicide note is not easy. “Fuck it, I’m out.” would be great if I jumped into a river and my body might never be found.

But in most cases a body’s right there next to the note. Actually providing a single piece of useful information is not an easy thing to do. Most of what people write is obvious to the reader, like “I felt lonely” or “I decided to hang myself.”

Usually people just want a suicide note, to more easily rule out foul play or accidental death. I think mine’s going to be “Do not resuscitate. I’m an organ donor. My wallet’s in the top dresser drawer.” I might leave contact info for next of kin.

im-just-a-kid 4/18/2013 - 11:14 pm

definitely take out the twilight part – that will be the only part anyone remembers and you probably meant it somewhat jokingly. it seriously discredits the whole note.

it is very well written but it’s a suicide note, not an essay. it’s way too long and veers off track a lot. you want it to be “short, sweet, and to the point.” actually, probably not sweet…

Twitch 4/19/2013 - 12:08 am

In the electronic age I think I have to go with a single mass-announcement to a few people on facebook who will serve as hubs to others. I might do a few personal ones but I am thinking it might also be best not to; best keep to a form letter perhaps.

I’m not big on the ideas of either being found by a stranger or, worse yet, a relation. I am thinking that the ideal way to handle this is by utilizing the public serves available to me. Post the letter, call the police and tell them “Hey, some dude just shot himself down the road. Let the professionals take it from there. You’re paying for this shit and it IS your last opportunity to get your money’s worth.

@im-just-a-kid: True, but that is sort of the point. Maybe I should just go completely over the top with this. Make an art project out of it, the suicide note from hell. 40,000 words minimum; a deranged tyrade against anything and everyone that has ever irritated me on any level. Profuse curses leveled at my various antagonists with detailed description of what will come if it turns out there IS an afterlife and I can score a haunting permit or however the fuck they handle that. I’ll have to ponder this…

glass_music_cup 4/19/2013 - 12:18 am

@Twitch, wow, I admire how thought-out your plan is. As I’ve shared before, I don’t believe in making impulsive decisions when it comes to suicide. I don’t mean to be harsh, but I have trouble understanding how people can make such rash decisions without fully contemplating all angles of the aftermath.

We must be twins, because I posted something about this in one of my posts/comments. I want law enforcement to find me first. They are likely to have experienced such scenes before, have the personality trait to deal with such situations, and will be prepared emotionally for what they will find. It would be unfair to commit suicide and leave the body for an innocent stranger to find, in my opinion, which is why I plan to prepare in order to ensure that I am found in a timely manner so that bystanders are not caught in the cross fire and that I don’t rot too long and draw in innocent people’s concern.

glass_music_cup 4/19/2013 - 12:24 am

Personally, I don’t want to leave a suicide note. I don’t see what kind of purpose it would really serve for me. I think I will just let those I care about know that I appreciate x,y z before I die. I will just write an innocent email, something like, “I saw x, and it reminded me of you. I hope you realize that you have (insert positive thing here).”

I’m not really into going into details of why or blaming, which you also mentioned to be a concern of yours.

If you have the energy to do an art project (I know you’re just kidding) then dude, don’t commit suicide! Become the next Van Gogh! Oh wait…

AbstractThought 4/19/2013 - 5:06 am

Van Gogh didn’t sell a single piece of his ‘shit’ while he was alive, yet ‘Twilight’ made 2 billions. How’ s that? I got your point, Twitch.

coitus 4/19/2013 - 8:16 am

Yes twitchy’s writing style talent and sheer genius were under appreciated during his lifetime. Twitchy’s epic Old Testament style, exemplified in his phone-book sized suicide note (actually used to stun an escaped Ox the day of his death in an adhoc manner and strange twist) Twitchy’s masterpiece was part trend setting / part epitaph; a breath taking literary marvel that as mere mortals we may only hope we’ll learn to appreciate.

Future generations will trade his drivel on eBay and craig’s for sums exceeding the GDPs of small nations until it settles one day in the NY Metro museums adjacent to Twilight in a wing briefly devoted Twitchy *slapping forehead* NOW I get it: twitchy is like Van Gogh but the rest of us were too stupid. Now tragically it is just too damn late.

Yeah.. Nothing says “he was a douche” quite like that. Fuck it, I’m out.

noonoo12 4/19/2013 - 10:06 am

I like that the note was long winded. I feel like I actually know a bit about you. Probably more than your own friends which makes me chuckle.

It always makes me giggle when I read your comments. You’re so cynical and it’s fucking hilarious. There’s this aura of distrust and passive aggression surrounding the words you type. I like it.

KealieghRachel 4/19/2013 - 2:46 pm

@Coitus do you just read people’s posts to judge and be rude? Because after reading your comments, it’s the only vibe I’m getting.

Twitch 4/19/2013 - 3:15 pm

Ease up on coitus, guys. We’re all wreckage here and some people cope that way. I have a thick skin for things like that and he did make some valid points about tightening up the note which is exactly what I did ask for; however unnecessary in their abruptness, lol.

Point is we all have our demons ’round these parts and we wouldn’t be here at all if they weren’t threatening to overwhelm us.

sunflower 4/19/2013 - 3:28 pm

<3 thats all i have to comment

Dawn Approach 4/19/2013 - 3:30 pm

If you fail you could become a copywriter for suicidal people. If you succeed you could write autobiographies for the rich and famous. Either way, you have a promising career.

coitus 4/19/2013 - 3:57 pm

“You have a promising career.”

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