I need help. I need guidance, I don’t know what to do…

First of all, you can’t ask for advice but then immediately say “I don’t care to hear this answer or that, though”. That shows you’re not ready to accept advice and you only want to be told what you want to hear. Sorry, it isn’t going to work that way, and you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone and listen to some hard truths if you really want help.

The bottom line is you cannot force or convince somebody to be with you. Love is like air, it is hard to hold in to. Exactly like your ex described it to you, at one point she craved being near you, and now suddenly it is gone. That’s how it goes. She didn’t choose to want you at the beginning, and she didn’t choose to lose interest in you now, it just happened. You shouldn’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It doesn’t mean you caused her to lose interest. This is more about her and whatever she might have going on in her head. Besides, some people would say this temporary type of “I had to have you, now I no longer want you” attitude is not really love at all. As you yourself are experiencing, when you really love someone, it doesn’t go away after a couple of months. I’d say a large majority of people in relationships are not in love, well at least not both of them. A lot of people don’t understand love, really it is just infatuation, temporarily wanting someone for a few weeks or months and then wanting something different. Some people think lovers are like toys, just go get a new one when you’re ready.

Also it seems apparent you really need to spend some time thinking about what love means. When you love someone, is it all about how they make you feel good? When you love someone, doesn’t it mean you want them to be happy too? If you really love this girl, and she has asked you to let her go down a separate path in her life without you, and you’re driving her crazy by not leaving her alone, is that love? You’re more concerned about how this person made you feel good and how you want to still be in a relationship with her, and don’t seem to care that she keeps telling you that you are driving her crazy.

You have to let go. That’s your only choice. Show her that you can respect her wishes and that you love her enough to want her to be happy even if it isn’t with you. There is no possible way that you can keep bugging her and somehow get success. You can’t piss somebody off until the point that they suddenly love you again, human emotion doesn’t work that way. If you keep doing what you’re doing now, you’re only going to make her feel worse about you, not better. The way you’re acting now is just confirming for her that she did the right thing by deciding not to be with you.

You are 15. You will love again. And I know with all of your heart and mind you want to scream at me that I’m full of crap and I don’t understand. Trust me I do. You and every other teenager in the world will experience falling in love with someone and the heartbreak of losing them and feeling like you don’t want to live anymore. And then we all move on and date 10 or 20 more people and marry someone else.

And yes, I am going to tell you even though you don’t want to hear it, 4 months is not a long relationship, and you can move on from it. The fact that you became so addicted to this relationship in 4 short months doesn’t say to me that this girl was so amazing, what it really reveals to me is that something was missing in your life, you were already unhappy, being with this person made you feel a million times better, and now you think it’s this person who really fixed your life when in reality, being in love with this person just helped you escape from your life and distract you from the life you were tired of living. This relationship was like a drug to you. You’re not so much in love with the person as you think you are, instead you’re just in love with how it made you feel better. And I can connect that right back to what I explained above, if you really loved THE PERSON you would want her to be happy and you would not be bothering her, instead what you are in love with is how the “drug” made you feel, which is why you don’t care that you’re bothering her and annoying her after the breakup, because you’re in love with the rush of chemicals that being around this person gives you, not the actual person. It’s not even a far stretch to compare love to a drug, being in love really does involve our brains releasing lots of chemicals that make us feel good and make our pain go away.

You should never love somebody more than you love yourself. You say you tried to kill yourself now because this girl asked you to leave her alone. Who wants to be in love with someone who doesn’t even value their own life? Nobody wants to be with someone when they feel like it’s their responsibility to keep you alive. They don’t want to be your reason for living. You think you love this girl so much but you’re ready to kill yourself. That’s so backwards. Love yourself, realize that if you stay alive the day will come again that you will meet someone who makes you feel this way, and who won’t dump you after 4 months.

Right now what you’re going through is totally normal. This is “love” when you’re 15 years old. Regardless of what you might think at this age, you and the people in your age group do not understand love yet. Heck, there are people 50 years old who don’t understand love. There are people who die before they ever understand love. You’re only about to turn 16, give yourself more time to figure it out. If this was your first real love, that’s why you feel so strongly addicted to it and why you don’t want to live anymore. Because being in love makes life a thousand times easier to live. When you wake up in the morning you have someone awesome to think about instead of worrying about what you have to do that day, when you go to bed you can think about them instead of worrying about anything else, it’s easy to get addicted to it.

Let her go. She wants to be away from you. If you really love her, you want her to be happy, even if that means being away from you.

Focus on family and friends and everything else in your life right now. Cry if you need to. Mourn the loss. You are supposed to be sad. Don’t try to bottle it up and deny that you feel bad. Writing can help a lot too if you can’t find someone to talk to. Get all your feelings out. Let yourself be sad. But you don’t need to kill yourself. The bad times in life serve a purpose. If we weren’t sometimes sad or in pain, we wouldn’t understand what it means to be happy. You have to have one to understand the other. If we were all in love from the day we were born until the day we died, we wouldn’t appreciate it, we’d get bored with it, because it would just feel normal. We appreciate love only when we know what it’s like to be lonely, we appreciate good days only when we know what it’s like to have some really bad days. The pain you feel right now is there for a reason. Let it happen, and it will slowly start to heal. Each time you try to talk to this person or find out information about where she is or what she’s doing, you are just ripping the scab off the wound and making the healing start all over. Let her go, let your wounds heal, some day you will start to feel better. Understand you did nothing wrong. There are 30 and 40 year long relationships that end every day, people who loved each other enough to have children together who end up breaking up. Love is tricky. You’re 15 and some silly girl decided she was bored after 4 months. Welcome to the real world. Love can hurt just as much as it feels good.

Just like DawgMom said above, I also thought I wanted to die many times when I was younger. I’m in my mid 20s now and things are still not perfect, but I am glad that I did not kill myself back then. There were girls who broke my heart when I was 15, 16, 17. And you know what? I dated people who I loved even more in the years that came after that. And I would have never met them if I had died when I was 15. And when I was 15 and some girl broke my heart, I would have been feeling the same way, that I would never meet someone again and that I just wanted to die. But 10 years later and I have to admit I was wrong. Other people do come along. And even if they don’t, life isn’t all about being in love. There are other awesome things that have happened in these 10 years that have nothing to do with who I was dating, and I would have missed all those things too.

I know you don’t believe it right now, but if you stick around, some day you will look back to the year when you were about to turn 16 and you were miserable over this girl who dumped you after 4 months, and you’ll be able to laugh and be happy that you decided to stay. It hurts losing people, but eventually the pain fades away and you’ll be able to just remember the good times and be grateful for the 4 months you did have.

There’s a saying “you only lose what you cling to”. I’ve also heard it described that it’s like putting your hand down into a pool of water, if you try to grab on as tight as you can and make a fist, when you pull your hand out and open it back up, there won’t be anything there. Instead if you are soft with the water and just scoop a little bit out with the curve of your hand, it works. The world we live in seems to teach us that strength is always best. If something doesn’t work, try harder. But that isn’t always to truth. Strength is not appropriate for all situations. Sometimes LETTING GO takes a lot more power than it does to try to hold onto something.

This is another human being we’re talking about. Not an object. If she wants to go, you cannot hold her. You cannot change her mind, certainly not by bothering her. Show her that you have the strength and respect to let her walk away. It’s a dangerous road to go down when you don’t know how to handle breakups. All through my late teens I was the embarrassing guy who would chase after exes, never knew when to quit, always thought I could fix things. All that happens is you end up losing your dignity and everyone hears the stories about how bad you handled the breakup and laugh at you. Be strong. Let it go. A relationship is an open agreement between two people. If one person wants to turn around and walk away, they have the right to. This is not the right situation to use force. This is not something you can fix by thinking of what to say to her or some gift to give her. If you truly listen to her, you’ll understand that’s the opposite of what she wants. She doesn’t want to hear from you, she doesn’t want to have to think about you. She wants to know that she can go live her life and that you aren’t going to kill yourself. That’s actually a really abusive thing to do to someone, to make them feel like you are going to kill yourself because of them. That’s a very unhealthy relationship tactic to use, to threaten someone with your own life. Do not put that guilt on her. If you really love her do not make her go through life feeling like she made you hate your life. You are responsible for your life, not her. Don’t be a coward and make someone else responsible for your life. That is a horrible, cheap way to make someone feel guilty.

Stay alive, you will love again. I hope you find something useful in what I’ve written. When I was in my teens and every breakup I went through totally destroyed me, I wish I had someone to talk to me and teach me about letting go. I know how bad it hurts and I guess all I can do at this point in my life is try to share what I learned whenever I see a younger person facing the same struggles.

There are a lot of awesome times waiting ahead if you in your life. Be sad about this chick for a while and then get back to living.