I decided that it’s no longer about living because I have to. I’m going to live because I need to. My mom is currently in intensive care I came home and found her blue from lack of oxygen. She can’t breathe on her own. My mom is everything to me. She came back when I was 12 and saved me and my brothers lifes. I won’t give up until I know she’s fine. I blame a lot of this on myself the lack of oxygen is from to many medications because she was in pain because she was stressed about me. My mom has a huge heart she would give anything to make her children happy. She does not deserve to suffer, she’s the closest thing to god I know. My dad and my brother are so stressed and sad. Everyone seems to blame themselves.

I finally get it if I died it would not just define me but it would ruin my family because we are all that we have. No matter how much we have gone through or all the pain my father and my brother causes on me. They are the only people in the world who care and I would never want to hurt them.

I may be sad but I will work through this even if chaos is tiring I will keep going forward. I’m so sad but alive.