I feel like my entire life has just been one mistake after another. I’m fat, I have awful grades in school, I hurt my spine trying to lift weights to get less fat, I can’t do manual labor, it looks like I might not get my high school diploma.
I’m just so tired. So, so tired. I’m so tired of making mistakes and being a waste of space. I can’t work to help pay for college because of my spine. I hurt my spine trying to get less fat. I’m fat period. I’m so lazy I can’t even get good grades in school because I never do my homework. My family is poor, but I’m always asking for something, and it always makes me feel guilty for it.
I just can’t understand why I’m like this. I want to change so bad, but I just can’t. I’m so tired. I want to lay down, and not have to worry about anything again. And then I think to myself, what if there really is God? If I commit suicide, will I go to hell? I don’t want to go to hell. But I’m so tired too.
I’m a coward who’s too shy to make friends. I usually stay at home, watching whatever. I suck all my family’s money. If I don’t graduate, I can’t go to college and get a good job to support my family. And I know it’ll be hard on my family to if I kill myself.
It’s like I’m stuck on a road, and all the crossroads are blocked off, except one where I can’t see anything but despair. I’m scared, and tired. I want to stop making mistakes so bad. I keep on crying, even as I’m typing this. My palms are sweating. I want to just lay down.
2 comments
Man, you sound just like me, almost to the letter.
Know you’re not alone I guess? Sorry, that’s all I got.
Thanks I suppose, but you should know that just the knowledge that there is someone else like you out there doesn’t help much.
I know intellectually that there are millions or billions worse off than me, but I can’t help it. It’s not like me to let a sudden urge like this get to me, but I can’t help it. I’ve reached my breaking point.