It may sound counterintuitive but I consider the wish to die to be a sign of hope. After all, what is that person saying other than, I HOPE that what comes after life, whether it be nothing or another life, is better than this one. It is the HOPE of something better which makes us reach for something else. Without that hope, what’s the point in dying?
And it must be hope that drives that wish as there is NO information on what happens after death. It may be that we simply cease. It may be that we experience an afterlife full of peace and love, where we finally get all the answers to all the questions we ever asked and feel connected and part of something in a way that we never experienced in life. Or, just as likely, we may end up in our worst day, forever. Never ending despair with not even the possibility or HOPE of getting out of it. Who knows? I know I don’t.
Like I said, it’s HOPE that makes you feel that death HAS to be better. The thing is, it doesn’t.
P.S. Feel free to ignore this post. Just my thoughts and, therefore, not important.
3 comments
I often times feel like I’m already in hell, even though I don’t believe in a “Heaven and Hell”. I also figure that whatever comes after this life can’t be worse than what I’m experiencing here. Whether an afterlife or just eternal sleep.
Great post, Fine. I never thought about it that way, but I think you’re spot on. Those who go willingly toward death are the ultimate optimists haha.
The opposite of fear is hope. By overcoming our fear of death, it’s fair to say that our actions are driven by hope: hope that the afterlife is a better place, or hope that there is no afterlife (which is a better place in my book). I certainly don’t think it can get any worse than this. If it does I’m sure I’ll kill myself there, too.
Thanks for this post, it actually gave me a good feeling. Here’s to the future.
I applaud your attempted articulation of something so few ever consider.
The one thing of which i am completely certain, is that whatever my existence, however one might define existence, will be quite different from my current existence, without my body, without my knowledge, without my attachments, without my ties… and i often find myself pondering, not the meaning of life, but what piece of me might remain, and where, without all that is tied to this physical body.
Feeling is generally better than numbness… Unless, the only sensations felt are gainless pain. Pain is good for various reasons, but if i cannot gain anything from it, and cannot turn it off, and cannot eliminate the source… and said pain occurs in an amount and to a degree that is prohibitively disruptive to not just thriving, but even to survival… then i’d have to think that, in the absence of enjoyment, fulfillment, or furthering a meaningful cause, then “nothing” would be better. And if i’m not aware of not existing, then i won’t “miss” anything that’s gone.
I think we all “hope” that it’s not worse, and that it’s better… but once past that, i can assure myself that if nothing else, it must at least be Very Different. Most times i feel like it would be worth rolling the dice for the chance at finding myself in a brand new existence, in a brand new set of circumstances, with a brand new body… and maybe that “next life” would not throw so many insurmountable obstacles into my journey, not cause so much damage, and would leave enough room for me to actually DO something.
Sure, it could be worse… but would we even know whether it’s better or worse? We’d have to remember being here and now, in order to have any basis for comparison… and from what i’ve seen, very few people ever insist that they remember previous lives. And i’m inclined to think that those who do claim such things, are probably not correct.
But, you know… how cool would that be, to be reincarnated, but retain all the most important lessons learned in this life, so that they could be applied to the next? I think that would be great. But just because i think it would be great, doesn’t mean i think that is what actually occurs.
I think lots of people “jump the gun” on suicide. Contrarily, i’m sure lots of people thoroughly considered every conceivable aspect of choosing their own demise.
When we’re ready to shed everything we’ve ever known, in the face of “maybe nothing, or maybe worse, but definitely different than this…” i think it’s more about hoping for different… hoping for a set of circumstances we can actually work with… rather than just generally “hoping for better.” Although, workable circumstances would surely fall under the classification of “better,” even if things are still harsh and difficult.
I personally get overwhelmed thinking about everything, and reach a point where i have to just let go and wait… and try not to get too worked up over anything. I have struggled with despair for so long that i cannot physically endure, indefinitely, the stress of perpetual despair. It’s like a psychological collapse, and everything shatters, scatters, disperses into the infinite void… and all that time spent “recovering,” is literally wasted life, because during that time i am unable to proceed with anything i would want to be doing, any of the stuff worth living for, which i feel i should always be striving for. It’s like a nervous breakdown that never really heals. It’s like when you flip the “on” switch, it tries to start, but can’t “boot up” completely, and just keeps resetting. It’s like my entire nervous system is literally malfunctioning, and i have no choice but to spend all my time and energy in introspection and philosophical contemplation, attempting to “troubleshoot” my own existence… but there are loops everywhere, and I can’t seem to find a stable set of parameters to configure myself for stability.
And then i end up “here,” “wasting time” writing long-winded comments on SP…. which i guess is a sign of hope… even though it’s quite dim and bleak. I feel like the help i need doesn’t actually exist, and the help available isn’t enough. I don’t really want to die. I rather like being alive. It’s just that i don’t think i can make it as i am, and i would prefer not to suffer needlessly. It’s incredibly saddening, to me, that suicide seems to be the only way i will be able to avoid needless suffering. There was lots of stuff i wanted to do… but i can’t seem to do any of it, because of problems i didn’t choose to be so heavily impacted by, and can’t seem to solve on my own. I don’t think i deserve to be stuck with the choice of: “the life i don’t want, or death.” I don’t care whether i “deserve” to live, or whether anyone else thinks i do or don’t. I care about my experience of being human. I care about how i feel, while i’m feeling it, and want to do things that make me better, just for myself. Selfish? So what? Someone has to care what i feel, and “if you want something done right, do it yourself.” So i care how i feel, and why i feel it. I care enough that i’d rather be nothing, than feel so much anguish over things i didn’t cause. I’d rather feel better, than be nothing. It’s just hard to hope for anything better *in this world,* when i look around at everything i can see, and let it all add up to paint the most accurate picture i am able to perceive.
“that moment when you wrote too much, but decided to post it anyway…”