Alright so, I may be young but I feel like I’ve gone through a lot. I feel tired of life. I’ve thought about commiting suicide so many times but I look into my future. I have a lot to go through. But anywho, the reason why I feel like this is because of my family, especially my mother. For a long time now, its turned into an everyday thing to argue. My mother makes me feel like im nothing. Wishing for me to not be her daughter, and regreting to have me. Im not good enough, I don’t do anything right. All I do is stupid, or I don’t do it right. I have two other sisters. My mother treats them like they’re her everything but then there’s me. She might think I don’t care about what she says to me because I act like I don’t care. But I obviously do care. Her words are suppose to mean a lot to me since she’s the woman who gave birth to me. Out of all people, that woman is the one making me feel not worth it. I feel like garbage, a disturbance, disgrace. Or like everything and everyone is too good for me. I cut myself. That’s the only way to let it all out. Nobody seems to understand what I go through. Everyday I feel like giving up in life. Why be alive when the people who do the most impact in my life don’t care? They’re suppose to be the one’s making me feel better everyday & help me look foward to the other day but its the total opposite. Im just simply tired. Nobody understands. Someday I feel like im just going to give up in life.
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You have indeed gone through a lot. You feel tired of life, because your family and your mother make you feel like nothing and make you feel not good enough. It sounds like you feel rejected by your family day after day, and the fact that no one seems to understand or care is extremely invalidating and negates everything that you are going through. It makes sense what you are saying and feeling. These people are so present in your life, and it is those people who are most present who make you feel “like garbage, a disturbance, disgrace” as you say. The pain that you feel is real, and your every day experiences and interactions with your family reinforces and exacerbates the pain. Its completely understandable and justified that you feel this way given these awful circumstances. It is difficult to find your worth and stop believing what your family members are making your feel about yourself every day. However, it really does seem that they do not understand the pain they are causing you and the extent and degree of your struggle. If they do not and cannot understand that, than they are clearly not understanding you. Therefore, they cannot justifiably reject you as a person, because they are misinterpreting who you are. There are people out there who understand. There are people who can empathize. You need love and support. Your family is not giving it to you. I understand. It sucks and its not fair. It really is not fair. But you do matter. Your story matters. The fact that you are still here matters. I was about to go to sleep, but I saw your story and it struck me. I had to respond and validate you. I want to let you know that you are heard. You deserve to be heard. I wish I could meet you. I wish I could be there with you, and give you a hand and a friend to confide in right now. But even if i cannot be there physically, I am here. We are in the same world. I hear your screams. I understand your pain. You touched me with your willingness to share, and the fact that you did share shows your courage and strength. Courage and strength are not qualities of garbage and disgrace. You are none of those things. You are a courageous girl who is fighting day after day in a world that feels in opposition to you. That is a situation that most people don’t have to go through every day. And here you are with the demands of life that everyone has plus some, and you are still fighting. I am proud of you for that. Hang in there and keep reaching out. You deserve love. You are worthy of love. You can be loved. You are loved. Hang in there