Where do I begin………..
Well my mom gave birth to me when she was about 18 or 19. From what she tells me my real dad is a low life dick(excuse my language). Anyways I resently got in contact with him. Things where going great in my life. I had straight A’s, I was very popular, very pretty, guys would fight over me,…….until my 8th grade year. The 1st day back to school was OK, after that everything turned to shit. I started to realize who my true friends were, and that school was the most important thing in my life. In the middle of the school year I started to cut myself.the cuts started off shallow but then grew bigger and deeper. I was at the point of no return. I had a journal that had all the ways I was going to kill myself and how I was going to do it. But one day I had a melt down. My mom found out I was cutting and took me to a therapist. That didn’t help at all. To this day I still wear a fake smile so I don’t have to go back. Resently I have found an outlet. I thought since I Dont get attention at home that maybe I could get it from boys. Well that was dumb on my part because now I’ve been named the slut of NR. Im still a virgin( or however the hell you spell it). I’ve never given anyone a hand job or a blow job. But people assume that just because I prefer to hangout with guys that I have sex with them. Well let me tell you something………. ur the reason I can’t sleep at night, or enjoy time with my friends and family, or even act like myself anymore.I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE! I’ve lost myself by worrying about what people think of me. It literally has ruined my life for me. Most of the time I cry myself to sleep. The only thing keeping me alive is my mother and I thank her for that. She’s what keeps me strong through my depression.
Thank you so much for reading me go on and on about my life
1 comment
I know that saying “try to ignore the people spreading rumors” isn’t helpful, because it’s really hard to ignore them. If they call you a slut and you know you’re not, then they’re just spreading lies probably because they’re jealous of you having male friends. Try to stay strong with yourself. If you know who you are, try to be proud of yourself. Others are intimidated by confident people and honestly, they might try to spread more rumors.
Try to find yourself again. Make a list of your interests, even your guilty pleasures that you’d hate people to learn about. Try to list every part about yourself that you like, even if it seems like a tiny little thing, whether physical or about your personality. What you believe in can waver and change over time by learning new things, I know that when I was in 8th grade, I would’ve never predicted I’d be the way that I am now and that I’d have the interests that I do.
That’s the best advice that I can offer. As the only girl in one of the clubs at my school for over a year, I became “one of the guys” and I got some weird looks sometimes. I didn’t personally hear any rumors about me but in high school, I know there were rumors about me and my friends supposedly smoking pot after school let out and having a lesbian orgy (which is not true in the slightest), but I digress.