So I’m seventeen, 17, just graduated from high school. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about 4 or 5 years now. I attempted suicide in 2011 after I was hurt by someone who meant the world to me and I regretted everything. I’ve started up counseling since May 10 this year and have started medication but I still have depressed days and days that are hard to get through. I feel like nothing helps. What broke me is I had a nervous breakdown a few days before I started meds and going to counseling and nearly ended it. I have a box filled with pills I’ve stolen from my father who is heavily medicated and aspirin. It just gets more and more difficult as the days go on. Mom and Dad talk about how much things cost, how it gets harder and harder as the days pass and how much food is. I feel like death would be one final expense for me in which they could sell my car and a few of my other belongings to pay for my funeral then I wouldn’t be eating anymore. I’m obese. I weigh 314 pounds (I’ve lost 5 pounds since starting medicine, that’s progress but still) My relationship is kinda falling apart and I’m just paranoid altogether. The government will kill me because I speak truth. Truth is the new hate speech. I think they’ll kill me for saying my opinion. Or I’ll “mysteriously” pass away. I’m sick of this. Today it has been really hard too. Can anyone give me any advice or message me? I’ll reply later I promise.
2 comments
The government won’t kill you. We don’t even kill the people who have exposed government secrets. We only execute the worst killers. And only in some states. IF the government had it out you because you share your opinion the worst would be being put in a dark lonely cell. Then again not many maximum security prisons exists like they did back in the day. Paranoid people make me smile because i find it a bit funny but i also feel bad that you think that way. The government will come after you if you start communicating with known terrorist groups or start googling how to make homemade pipe bombs but even then the govenment is quite slow to make a move. Speak the truth even if leads to your death they say. Trust me though there lots of people who post their opinion and are alive and kicking to continue it…..saw a rant on craigslisy where some religious psycho said humans are mixing their sperm with animal sperm and that they are controlling the government and that if someone says they’re double jointed that they’re a monster whos part snake LOL i loled so hard. The stupidity of think that human genes can actually mix with those of a crature that does not even share the same genome sequences! Ahahaha. Oh and the there was a post by what im guessing was a nazi sympathizer spouting about the zyonist movement and how the germans tried to warn us about the jews but we didn’t listen XD i was dying by that point. Although it is possible that there are coalitions in the higher areas of economic and political power in many governments.
You need many hugs and a true friend, also you need a new begining so take decisions. NOW!
I suffer from sever depression, but what a soldier is not alowed to do, is to give up. It’s hard and it’s painful as hell! Tears you apart, but as i tell it to myself, every second, i will tell you also: “STAND UP SOLDIER & BE BRAVE, you are not allowed to fall yet!!! ” Warm hugs sent from my heart to yours.