I don’t know what to do or say anymore.
My friends don’t want to be around, they don’t want to hang out. The promises were all hollow. my family tells me to suck it up and get over it. My own mother told me to go and kill myself. I just cant take it anymore, I cant take having my caring thrown back at me, I cant take people always screwing me over. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. Im tired of being all alone, waking up alone, going to bed alone. I just don’t want to live anymore. I wish I had never heard of love, I honestly wish it never existed. People think I am so happy, and im so tired of wearing the mask to hide up how horribly hurt I am. I try to tell people when they hurt me or say something insulting and all that happens is it gets turned right on me. Im always the one doing something wrong, Im always the bad person. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t want to live. They always say god never gives you more than you cant handle, well that’s a bold faced lie and from my point of view, god is a cruel asshole.
I don’t know what to do or say anymore. I just cant take it anymore
3 comments
i dont know you but i care.
Im glad at least someone out there does. I honestly cant see why I keep trying to fix myself for everyone else. it always ends badly, I always end up being hurt or pushing some one away or something. It is always my fault, it is always easier to blame me, “oh blame him, he is already a fuck up.” I saw a pic on the internet and it describes me so well. So damaged, so young. No one wants damaged goods anymore. I don’t blame them either.i wouldn’t go into a store and even look at something that would be even remotely damged, and yet here I go trying to fix everyone and they all say the same damn thing, it will get better, give it time, etc. I have been giving it 10 plus years and it hasn’t gotten better. Only difference is new town and new people. What else is there to do. Does anyone know? like people say, go find new friends, go out meet new people. So what? I can get hurt all over again? What else am I supposed to do? I wish I was never born into the life I was with the family I have, in the city I was, well. Born in general. Why couldn’t I just stay as energy and just float around and not feel pain, hurt, sadness. What joy is left? my nine year old brother will grow up to hate me because of the C U Next Tuesday I have to call the woman that brought me into this world. Im just a failure. Im just waiting to be recycled now, with all the other useless trash.
I feel just like this. This explains me so well. I’m sorry you have to deal with the pain. If I could hug you I would. I know it wont fix everything. But at least you will know someone else cares too.