I’m scared. I have a new boyfriend who is exactly the perfect guy of my dreams, but I’m scared of getting close with him. I’m to scared to really open up to him, he knows about my past of burning but he said that he figured it was something he didn’t need to mess with so he didn’t, I have been feeling the same worthless, useless, empty pain inside lately and I want to mention it to him but, hes so reserved I don’t want to scare him away. Usually I would talk to my friends but they have their own problems or say I’m being overly dramatic, implying its no big deal and that I want attention or flipping out cause burning scares them. I’m thinking about telling him I can’t do this but Like I said before, he’s my dream guy, but no dream guy should like someone as fucked up and insane as I am and feel. I’m about to explode and I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, any ideas on what I should do?
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I understane you I’m with a guy and feel the same as you but it’s getting harder i can’t tell him why i feel like this.. a little about me;; I was in a car crash in 1984 was crushed the pain is so much it never goes away i’ve had 18 surgery’s with last one being knee replacement in March 2013…idk…<3
When I read this just before it really reminded me of how much it scared me to tell my boyfriend about my depression and anxiety. When I met him, he was the guy of my dreams too. We started hanging out more and we got to know eachother well, well that’s what he thought. He thought he knew me. But he didn’t. I kept my other ‘life’ away from any topic of conversation. I was very scared to tell him too. I was scared that he would leave me and never want anything to do with me. But I talked to my friend about it and she said if he really cares for you he will understand. He will not leave you. Just be honest with him. So I was. I told him everything. Shockingly, he didn’t leave me. He said to me, I am with you every step of the way. I know it won’t be easy, but I love you and I never want you to be hurting again. I want to help you heal. So in the end, honesty paid off. I know how you are feeling, I can easily slip into your position and take your emotions on board. It’s a tough road, I know. But seriously, once you tell him everything. It will be a lot easier. On the other hand, if he happens not to accept this, well obviously isn’t your ‘dream guy’. It takes a lot of courage to help your partner through depression. It takes up their time and energy, and if it goes into helping you, well that is such a beautiful thing. I am greatful for my boyfriend being next to me through this. I still struggle everyday but I am getting better. So just try what I’ve suggested. It will be worth it. Good luck.
I felt the same way when I got with my boyfriend almost 4 years ago.
I was scared to tell him I cut and I was almost literally insane.
He didn’t know how to handle it at first, but he is still there for me when I need him and he listens to me when I talk.
We’ve been together for nearly 4 years now.
Eventually I stopped hurting myself, but then it started happening again. We’re older now and are able to handle things a bit differently, but still.
Your dream guy will love you no matter how fucked up or insane you are.
You are you.
The things you do are what make you, YOU.
To each their own, they will love you just the same.
In my experience, telling a partner how depressed and broken and awful I feel, and what I’ve had to do to cope, has always been a positive thing. Even if somebody hasn’t understood completely, they’ve wanted me to help them learn. Decent people, like your boy sounds to be, will be grateful that you trust them enough to share something from so deep inside of you. And you might be surprised at what you get in return!
Nobody is perfect, even your ‘dream guy’. Everyone has parts of them that they’re ashamed of, and feel bad about. That’s particularly the case for guys, who are told to stop crying, harden up, be a man, not let emotions get to you. I guarantee he has something of his own that he’s too frightened to share with you.
No matter what happens, it’s still much better that it’s brought out into the light. Keeping secrets and walling parts of yourself off is always going to hurt a relationship in the long term. Just be honest and open about how you feel. Tell him how he can help you (that part’s really important – often, people want to help but don’t know how).
You can do it. You’ve survived this far – doesn’t matter what you’ve had to do to survive, the important bit is that you’ve done it. That doesn’t make you broken, that makes you tough, a fighter! You can help him see that. Best of luck. Keep fighting for yourself!
Thanks everyone, I’ll talk to him the next time I see him, which will be probably be next week. I hope He takes it as well as all of your experiences. 🙂