Unsure how to cope…

(I posted early, I know, but I didn’t fully express everything, it was a tad too vague since I am paranoid of exposing myself to most people.)

I am currently in a rather rough situation, I would love to know how to cope with all the things I deal with on a regular basis. I realized last night I really don’t know how to cope with anything, seeing as I lock everything away, hide behind a smile that no one can see behind since I am so good at hiding, or I obsessively cut myself, overdose on meds (Over the counter or prescription), do anything excessively such as exercise, etc. [Also, I have been freed of street drug and alcohol dependency, as of September 11 of last year, that was a horrid addictive lifestlye,btw]
The guy I am seeing keeps telling me to express myself to him instead of hide, but he takes it so bad I fear loosing him, scaring him away, and making him so depressed he can’t deal with me anymore or life… And I can’t bare doing that too him, so I tend to hide… And when it become too much, I break down and it’s overwhelming too him..

My abandonment issues are what hurt me the most though, I always fear loosing someone special to me again, since it’s happened to me many times in the past. I’ve buried so much pain away and never dealt with it before since that’s how I was brought up, but it creeps up on me every so often and I can’t deal with it half the time… I also either sleep way too much or go days with none (Sleepaids rarely help, not till I am up 3 days then I crash like 20 hours the next day)

It’s really scary for me to trust anyone again, but this guy I am with… I see such a promising and successful future with him, that I am so scared to loose him, I could not deal with that loss… It’s the first time I’ve opened up this much since my ex fiancee…
I am afraid of dealing with all these issues, a lot is getting to me and I can barely keep this up…

The constant physical and emotional pain are draining me and eating away at me slowly…  I am trying to reach out before I can have a chance to end my life, but I am drowning in a sea of emotion.