Hi, nobody’s even gonna read this but I guess it’s better to let it out.
I’m Lara, I live in the UK. I have a loving family, good friends and a pretty great life. I have a lot more than I need and i’m very grateful for what I have. But something just isn’t right. For two years now, i’ve been having thoughts of suicide and have been inflicting pain on myself. I don’t feel the pain anymore. Around the time I started having these thoughts, my friend was diagnosed with slight depression and bipolar disorder but her mood swings were far less severe than mine. I tried to explain this to my mum but she said I was being silly. Two years on and this friend is still talking about her ‘depression’ as if it’s just a little personality flaw. To be blunt, it does my fucking head in. She brings it up at any opportunity and almost brags about it. I vividly remember her showing up at school with a giant plaster/band-aid on her wrist and when she showed me it, it was the tiniest little scratch on her wrist, I felt like slapping her right there. She said it was because her Dad shouted at her. I’m still friends with her, it’s just something I have to put up with.
I don’t think that there has been anything to make me feel like I want to just swallow a bottle of pills and end everything. I’m done with being the only one to make any effort with the people who are meant to love me, i’m done with constantly feeling that people are calling me fat and ugly and weird. I’m done with people calling me a slut when actually, i’m the biggest virgin I know. Most of all, I’m done with all the nastiness. The boy who thinks i’m better but doesn’t make any attempt to make sure. The same boy who says he loves me one minute and makes out with my best friend the next.
I’m just done.
3 comments
Being fat and ugly is nice. At least you don’t have burden on your face while walking. Just my OP.
I guess it could be a lot worse. Maybe i’m just being selfish. Sorry.
I’m sure a lot of people have read this. There are a lot of us on this site, but not everyone can see every post, and it’s hard to know what to say to many of the situations. As you can see with your friend, some people use some symptoms of depression to get attention. They may even lie or exaggerate their problems. But seeking attention is just another issue that some people have, and does not necessarily mean that they are being fake.
While our circumstances do have an effect, most people forget that chronic depression is a problem of the mind, and not situational. If you read many of the posts on here you will see that many people have a seemingly great life, but are still unhappy. The negative effect of any problem you might have can be greatly reduces by trying to change the way that you think.
This is a silly example but think of this. You are driving to work and you get a flat tire. You freak out, cry, curse. What if you get fired? Do you have money for a new one? What are you going to do? God must hate you because terrible things like this always happen! OR… You get a flat tire. Realize that that’s just life. Good shit happens, bad shit happens. Put on your spare and go about your way, flag someone down to help you, or call for assistance. It’s not the end of the world and freaking out isn’t going to help the situation.
I’m not saying we can be indifferent to anything unfortunate that happens, or that there is always an easy solution. Just giving an example of how your mindset can make a situation worse.