Why?
Why can’t I face my problems?
Why must I always hide?
Why must I always lose trac of my effort? dammit why?
No matter what it is, no matter what I do, no matter what I was thinking barely seconds before, why must I always deviate from what I’m doing???
Whether studies, sports or whatever the hell I actually do nowadays, I just don’t seem to care, I just let myself surf the flow of the waves of thought instead of maintaining my course.
And, when I realise it, its always too late, relationships always destroyed, failing grades, competitions lost.
Every-fucking-one of my teachers or guardians or bosses are angry at me. Because, whatever the problem, whatever the job, I just cant focus!!!!
My behaviour caused my current state of being a social pariah, someone with whom no one would ever associate, the one everyone looks down upon, the one who is always just, just the worst.
Yet, I cant-no, I won’t- change my behaviour despite the fact that everytime I exit the trance of thoughts, I feel like i want to murder, to destroy my imprint on this world.
I don’t understand why I exist anymore
3 comments
You exist because your parents combined their reproductive material and created an offspring. That is the only “answer” you will ever find. There is no “why.” You can ask “why” about things that have no discernible “reason,” but i think you know just how detrimental it can be, to simply “surf the flow of the waves of thought.”
The truth behind the illusory society in which we exist, is that people hate incompetence and inferiority, perhaps even more than malice. A skilled, confident, competent, superior person, who happens to be “evil,” is often better respected than someone with a heart of pure gold, who can’t seem to make things work out right for themselves.
If you can’t control yourself, how can you expect to enact what is required for the results you want to create? You have to learn to control yourself, starting with your mind, progressing through your body, ultimately culminating in deliberate and precise action.
While there is some profound value in “being like water,” in that you can adapt to any container and effortlessly flow around every mountain… water can never stabilize until it’s frozen.
But a mountain, while immobile, can stand firm in the path of a raging river, for ages, and not even flinch.
Water may flow effortlessly, but the mountain doesn’t care where the river flows. The mountain just stands there, unaffected, while the water washes away the loose bits.
If you find that being water doesn’t work for you… remember the mountain.
Sorry to hear that. Just try to work on it step by step and try to do something that doesn’t stress you out -)
Hello shigari!
I’m greatly sorry to learn that your emitional status hasn’t changed any better but I’m always there to listen and just ti remind you,”you are not alone”…