Everyone is running, making progress, enjoying life and achieving a lot but i don’t feel like achieving anything. Life has become miserable, everyday is just more worse than the previous one. I tried a lot during the past 7 years to cope with it but i failed.
No confidence to do anything, life seems to be like a continuous torture, my creativity and working capability has just come to an halt. In this condition I am losing on every ground whether it is job, relations or anything else. Life feels like a monster, people have fear of death but i m having fear of life. Every moment a voice from inside is instructing to finish it at all.
No hope, no light, no power to do anything. Just gloom and darkness everywhere. I failed on every ground. I am a burden on my family as well as on society. I want not to see another day.
6 comments
I share the same feelings. I feel like everything I do is wrong, everyone seems to have a good life and I’m just stuck in the middle of nowhere, and it won’t get any better. I want to see another day, but a better one, I want to feel alive, to be happy or at least comfortable with myself and be able to cope with life, anyways I keep cutting, punching and scratching myself everyday, trying to get enough courage to make the right cut and finish all this shit.
But hey, you’re not alone. I’m here to support you if you want (I know it’s not much, but if you feel like talking to me, please do
Oh vey you sound so sad. I know what it is like to feel like a burden; to feel cursed and broken. To feel so bad about yourself that you think everyone will be better off without you. I know how much pain is involved with that feeling. For me it was early childhood shit that my parents hung on me. It get that it is not my fault but I still accept that suit of shame when the stress gets bad. I am totally feeling that way now. I do think,the world would be better off without me…but I also know that kiling my self is not going to help anything right now. I have responsibilities. I can’t just bail. So I gotta get up and put on a brave face…one day at a time. For now. I am watching for the angels. They pop in sometimes…. It helps me to think that someone is keeping tabs on me a little bit. I don’t feel so alone out there. Maybe there is an angel checking up on you too? Maybe she will hold your hand until your darkness passes? Wouldn’t that be nice. My thoughts are with you. Take care.
YOu cant see it so youll have to take my word for it but i have a Seasick Steve tatoo on my arm. Its the cover for “I started out with nothin’ and Ive still got most of it left” I wont say I know how you feel as i find that so patronising but ive certainly been through tough times. All my friends are married with careers, kids or in uni. Im a dropout, single and pretty much scared of people xP
This tattoo means more than the words it speaks. I cornily say i wear my heart on my sleeve while cringing xD I dont know if you know seasick steve but he was homeless his whole life riding the trains around america doing whatever work he could find. He was considered the lowest of the low, always in and out of jail (nothing bad just riding the trains without paying and general hoboness) then after a life of nothingness he made an album with a barely working 3 string guitar and it was well recieved. He was in his late 50s/ 60s by now. Now he tours festivals and does live shows and has been on TV numerous times.
He inspires me. I hate it but he really epitomises “Life if potential, death is the end of all potential.”
Youve done incredibly well for surviving 7 years with this. I see no fail here. Then again who am I. What kind of support structure do you have?
Your example about Seasick Steve is ok, but at the end of the day we think what these examples are bringing in our life actually. We can never predict our future, it may be very good or it may be very bad, but it’ll be only our thinking but ground realities are far more solid and every day i have to grapple with those ground realities.
Every day in the morning i resolve to be positive during the whole day, but during the whole day I encounter such type of things which make me sick, the whole world seems to be pathetic and by the end of the day i become completely negative. I want to change my condition by doing something else but in spite of thinking a lot i don’t get any solution, my brain starts to pain severely. Every time it feels like i have spoiled my life and i am of no use. I spent my last 7 years fighting with this feeling in the same manner but now i m completely hopeless and i don’t see any way out of this except to end my life.
Yeah sorry that example is something that helped me, I know they dont usually help others i still seem to give them though >.<
It was a little insulting of me to try and give you advice on your something youve lived with for years after reading a few paragraphs and knowing nothing about you and for that I apologise.
What are these things youre seeing that are disgusting you so?
Thanks to all for their comments and their considerable thoughts.
@Motion City, you need not to say sorry. I know you are quite right on your part and you are just trying to elevate my current mental condition. As far as your question regarding the things which i feel disgusting is concerned, when anybody like me is undergoing such type of mental disturbance and depression then everything in the world seem to be disgusting. There is a continuous struggle between mind and heart. We try to discuss things with other but they all instead of solving our problems and without trying to understand our point of view just try to impose their own thinking on us. They start to count their own achievements and willingly or unwillingly try to belittle our efforts. This is the most disgusting part of our daily life.
@ziggystardustie, You know i try to make the things better but at last somehow all my efforts just go in vain. When i look back on all the previous years of my life, i found that i have just wasted all these year in terms of time, money and efforts. My own kith and kins, friends and relatives are doing very good things, earning more and more, enjoying more and progressing day by day but when i glance at me, i find myself to be trapped in my own weaknesses which seem to be completely invincible to me. This put a lot of pressure on me and wherever i go, i found the same situation. That’s why in a sheer depression i try to leave this world.