Sleep is out of my reach and I keep awake at night, visualizing all the methods that I can do to hurt myself. Depression and anxiety keeps me from going out of my room to interact with my family and I hate myself for it. I’ve never been this way before, it used to be a once-in-a-while feeling when I was a kid but now it’s getting more and more frequent. Of course, I can still appreciate a good joke and smile but I’m not quite as happy as I used to be. I find myself pointing out my flaws more often, refusing to eat my meals and thinking negatively about everything. My mom noticed the fact that I barely eat anymore and today, told me to use the scale weight. I’m scared that she might also notice that there is a cutter in our bathroom. I’ve never used it, mind you but the thought that it’s there is very comforting. Self-harm is never that far away from my mind, I haven’t  tried it but it seems like I’m close to.  I really don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t want to feel like this everyday but at the same time I don’t want to see a doctor or a therapist. I acknowledge that I need help, professional or otherwise, but sometimes I think it’s temporary, just another one of those phases that teenagers go through and that I’ll be normal soon.
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If you think you need help, don’t be afraid to seek it. You don’t have to speak to a profession. It’s entirely possible that with some soul searching and discussion you can figure out what’s bugging you.
Try to ask yourself basic questions like
“When did this all start?”
“Does it get worse at certain times?”
“What major changes have happened recently?”
Adolescence is an emotionally turbulent period, but if you feel suicidal, there’s probably something else going on. Work through it now before it grows into something worse.