What are your guys’ thoughts on all the teenagers and young kids on here? I’m one of those. I’m sixteen. But I want to know your guys’ thoughts. Do you think they’re stupid or overreacting or something?
I was only 6 years old when I was told I was to fat and my grandparents bribed me with $100 to lose 20 pounds… I did but little id I know this was just the beginning to my eating disorder…. Threw out schooling all the kids forced me to go on diets so I would look how they wanted and be like them so they did’t haft to been seen with ugly old me… After a while my parents joined into the torment… for as long as I can remeber I binged my problems away.. around grade 4 I started starving myself to be skinny…. Everyday I’d throw away my lunch and hide my dinner… I’d go days without eating…. I still starve to this day. After I got to grade 6 starving and binging we not helping anymore… I exparemented with cutting.. I liked it! So I added that to my list of addictions! It was the end of grade 7 when I decided I had had enough of thoes assholes and switched schools for grade 8! It started off awesome! I loved it! people LIKED me for what I looked like and I even got a boyfriend for a couple weeks. all of a sudfden my best friend from my old school was being bullied so much to the point where her arms were so cut you could berly see her skin… I began to cut again.. we had a plan to attempt suicide together… her mom took all her electronics away for an unknown resin and she went ahed without me… luckaly her parents caught her in time and took her to the hospital where they fixed her all up! I had hoped… I was so happy she was okay she slowly fell back down hill and we were both into drugs now.. he mother ended up kicking her out so she stayed at another friends house and I spent all my time worring about her and started failing in school. she ended up getting shipped off to her dads house in manatoba… we lost conection.. this was around grade 9. I was still suicidal and cutting and smoking a lot…. I also started drinking.. one night I was sleeping over at a friends house and her brother offred to get us drunk. Life teenagers we said YES! so we went and got drunk.. after my friend passed out he asked to see me by the washroom… that is where he raped me twice… I was so drunk I wasn’t able to move my body but I was awair of everything going on… It was HORRIBLE! I ended up cutting all the way up my arms after that.. my parents found out but we never pressed charges as I didn’t want people to know… little did I know it was already all over school and people though I was a whore! so I lived that “name” they gave me and slept with this guy I was dating to the extreme… we dated for a year but I’ll get onto that later…. after this things just went down hill…. my best friend did move back after her mom got pregnate so she could help take care of the baby. her and I had fights a lot because I didn’t want to get help when she knew I needed it… she ended up getting frustrated as told me our friendship was over and that I could never be helped and I deserved everything that has happed to me… I’ve been purging since grade 8 as Ii forgot to add in.. after she left me… my best friend named chris ended up telling me to go kill myself… I tired… all my “friends” took his side as i’m “CRAZY!” I opened up an instgrm venting acc called @Dreaming_for_the_end summer had finaly started for the end of grade 9! I was so happy but close to the end… august 13th my bestfriend the girl who told me I could never be helped killed herself… I went to her funeral 3 days later… it was the hardest thing in my life…. i cried everynight for 4 days straight when I found out… I hadnt slept bacuse all I could think about was her… I ended up cutting more thasn I have in my life… my leg is shredded…. ive never cut so deep…. i final found a way to ease my mind to go back to school to be bullied being called a crazy bithc from all Â my scars and my crazy ex ( the guy i dated for two years) he is still as I type this spredding nasty un true shit about me behind my back.. I now have no fiends because of him… but i don’t know how mut I really am still inlove with him even if he is trying to ruin my life… Tonight is my time… Ive gone threw so much and I am finaly ready to take the pills and let go.. thank you for reading threw this and stay strong <3 It’s just my time to go </3
As the title suggests this will be only my second but final post… ive struggled with suicide, depression, anxiety, and anger for too long now. tonight is is the night I have nothing to stop me. I wish it was night already so I could get this over with cause i cant stand feeling this way any longer. got drunk and pissed my one and only friend off last night…for the bes that way she wont care about me passing…even if it does im done caring i told her several occasions that im no good for her…this will be practically a year from my last suicide attempt that she stopped…i dont really even know why im bothering to type this all out…not like i want someone to comment and try and talk me out of it…ive already read all the websites got it all planned out…just a matter of time now…. i always told myself i was just another statistic…they say suicide is the third leading cause of death for teenagers….in just a few hours ill happily be part of that.
Sleep is out of my reach and I keep awake at night, visualizing all the methods that I can do to hurt myself. Depression and anxiety keeps me from going out of my room to interact with my family and I hate myself for it. I’ve never been this way before, it used to be a once-in-a-while feeling when I was a kid but now it’s getting more and more frequent. Of course, I can still appreciate a good joke and smile but I’m not quite as happy as I used to be. I find myself pointing out my flaws more often, refusing to eat my meals and thinking negatively about everything. My mom noticed the fact that I barely eat anymore and today, told me to use the scale weight. I’m scared that she might also notice that there is a cutter in our bathroom. I’ve never used it, mind you but the thought that it’s there is very comforting. Self-harm is never that far away from my mind, I haven’t Â tried it but it seems like I’m close to. Â I really don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t want to feel like this everyday but at the same time I don’t want to see a doctor or a therapist. I acknowledge that I need help, professional or otherwise, but sometimes I think it’s temporary, just another one of those phases that teenagers go through and that I’ll be normal soon.
Everyone has heard of the term, ‘teen angst’, or at least you should have heard it before. It’s a period in an adolescent’s teen years where many changes are taking place all at once, and it may cause some strange side effects. Depression, withdrawal from family and even friends,Â ‘out there’ ways ofÂ style,Â and very volatile behavior.Â These ‘strange’ things happen because of the unbalanced hormones in the teen’s body that are trying to get balanced, preparing them for adulthood.
I am 15 years of age, 16Â on July 22nd. I was prescribed Prozac last year aroundÂ the beginning of June. Now,Â ifÂ myÂ ‘depression’ were to be stemming from teen angst, like many teenager’s depression does, why in the fuck would they give me a brain chemical altering pill to help me? Wouldn’t it take my hormones further out ofÂ balance, delaying the time when they becomeÂ fully balanced? How do they know that itÂ IS NOT teen angst I am going through right now? I have all the commonÂ ‘symptoms’. Mood swings, withdrawal from family, volatile behaviors,Â ‘unwise’ choices or dangerous choices, a quite ‘liberal’ way of thinking, andÂ ‘out there’ way of style. I have a feeling that this is just unbalanced hormones/chemicals, because IÂ DO realize I am still very much a child emotionally, mentally, and physically. But I do not understand or see why people act the way they do, whyÂ all these teenagersÂ are on some serious medication for a few strange ‘symptoms’.
After I was prescribed Prozac last year, I quit taking it a few months later. About 6 weeks ago, I started back on it because I thought it might help with the boughs of depression and mood swings IÂ was receiving. I did recognize a change about 2 weeks later, and it was a very good change. My mind didn’t seem to wander to places it shouldn’t as much as it did before Prozac, and I had a lot of energy.Â Another two weeks later, things started changing.Â My depression amplified by at least 1ox what is was before Prozac, and I felt completely immobile some days, like I was soÂ tore up inside I couldn’t function on the outside.Â Â It made me feel so dead to the world, it was pretty damn bad. Last night I dumped the rest of the pills in the toilet. I never want to take anything else like that again.
Anyone else had bad experiences with anxiety/depression meds?
Hi I’m Ana.
I made an account because this site looked interesting, and I’ve been suicidal for a long time. So while I’m here, I just thought I’d give you some general information about myself.
-I’m 15 years old, and more mature than a lot of teenagers my age.
-I’m insecure about a lot of things, but one thing about myself is that I’m damn well proud of my body.
-I’m easily angered.
-I don’t share a lot of personally information.
Disorders, Hospitalizations, Self-harm History
(None of these have been self-diagnosed)
Mood Disorder (most likely bi-polar)
SexualÂ Re-activityÂ Disorder
Bulimia Nervosa (Purging type)
Hospitalizations (# of)
(Do NOT ask me what hospitals I’ve been to, because I won’t tell you)
All together I has been hospitalized 6 times due to suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, and anger.
Cutting (Currently Inactive)
Burning (Currently Inactive)
Starving myself (Currently Active)
Purging (Currently Active)
Smoking (cigarettes) – (Currently Inactive)
Drinking (Currently Inactive)
Drug Abuse (Currently Inactive)
If you have any questions about any of the information above, message me.
I Thought The Suicide Thoughts Were Over. I Thought I Was Better. Those Scars Are On My Wrist. Makes Me Want To Cut More..Its Been Awhile. Cutting Is Because Of The Shame! And I’m Filled With Shame. If I Killed Myself My Spirit Is Still Alive While My Body Is Dead. If I Kill Myself..I Can See The People I Love In My Own Heaven. Maybe A World With Happiness. A Field Of Flowers And Teenagers Just Like Me. I Can Only Hope..
So my horoscope tells me that its hard for me to be emotional. Is it really? Well my family tends to think so. In my mind I always feel like committing suicide. At one moment I can feel so HAPPY that my family thinks Iâ€™m always the happy child and then at the next I feel so lonely, and secluded, out of place. I never fully understand what triggers my feeling to go up and down. When I was in class 7 I lied to my friends telling them that Iâ€™m an expert at self harming but honestly I never even dared to try it. It was not until later that year that I tried it and it made me feel so much better. From then on it was a way to escape every highs and lows in my life. Now Where Iâ€™m from there are a lot of teenagers who cut themselves only to gain attention. They post pics of them self harming all over the web and now I feel I cant tell anyone in my family because theyâ€™ll probably think that Iâ€™m in this for the attention. I recently watched this video about this high school girl who committed suicide after she was bullied in school and on the internet. She used to post this videos on YouTube telling her personal story about her battle with students and then she committed suicide. The funny thing was nobody cared for her when she was alive but as soon as she died all these people who practically ruined her life pretended to be her best friends. It makes think about what a sick , unbearing world we live in. Friends have often asked me about where my scars come from and i just tell them lies which they believe. it really does suck having no one to talk to. sometimes its just un bearable. Is this what my LIFE has come to?
So my horoscope tells me that its hard for me to be emotional. Is it really? Well my family tends to think so. In my mind I always feel like committing suicide. At one moment I can feel so HAPPY that my family thinks Iâ€™m always the happy child and then at the next I feel so lonely, and secluded, out of place. I never fully understand what triggers my feeling to go up and down. When I was in class 7 I lied to my friends telling them that Iâ€™m an expert at self harming but honestly I never even dared to try it. It was not until later that year that I tried it and it made me feel so much better. From then on it was a way to escape every highs and lows in my life. NowÂ Where Iâ€™m from there are a lot of teenagers who cut themselves only to gain attention. They post pics of them self harming all over the web and now I feel I cant tell anyone in my family because theyâ€™ll probably think that Iâ€™m in this for the attention. I recently watched this video about this high school girl who committed suicide after she was bullied in school and on the internet. She used to post this videos on YouTube telling her personal story about her battle with students and then she committed suicide.Â The funny thing was nobody cared for her when she was alive but as soon as she died all these people who practically ruined her life pretended to be her best friends.Â It makes think about what a sick , unbarring world we live in.Â Friends have often asked me about where my scars come from and i just tell them lies which the foolishly believe. Having no one to talk really sucks.Â Constantly being left out, Trying to fit in this painful life is so pathetic. Is this what LIFE is supposed to be like?
Hi… I really need to get something off my chest, so I’m posting it here and I hope no one will mind. This is going to be kind of a long ramble. So, I’m 21 years old. I have no friends, and I have never had friends. My mother is overbearing, my father a drunk. I’m awkward around people, which is probably because I’ve only spoken to a few people in my entire life. (I’m on the extreme end of the social anxiety spectrum and I’ve always found it difficult to talk to people I don’t know.) People give me strange looks whenever I walk by, which is why I dislike going out into public. I am a retard, a loser, a *****, ugly, unfriendly, depressing, cynical, just an overall disgusting person. I see all the people around me, happy, bubbly girls and smiling, easygoing guys and I see their lives play out in front of them, friends and families and careers, grandchildren growing up to be teenagers, adults, parents, and then grandparents, I see love and loss and laughter and sorrow. I see myself standing outside of all this, because I don’t belong to society, this society or any other, and I probably, realistically never will. I see it all happening in front of me, as sure as 20 wasted years have passed since I was born. I’ve been depressed on and off and thinking about suicide since I was 12 years old, even though I didn’t think I’d ever do it then. It was just something to consider. I never cut myself either (I was a chicken – I didn’t have the guts to slice up my own body!)
But now, with college and everything, it’s a nightmare. I see that my inability to interact with people will never land me a decent-paying job; at this point I will be stuck with my parents and live off of them like a mentally/emotionally stunted parasite and listen to them screaming and fighting with each other every day until they pass away. I’d be lucky to land a job at McDonald’s and lucky to get a place of my own. Going outside and speaking is a chore, yet staying at home and listening to all that #*&*(JL is just as tedious. I tend to daydream a lot, a habit I never really dropped as a child. I think of what could have been and the horror at how I’ve lived my life thus far hits me like ice, it feels like I’ve amputated my limb or something. The life I could have had is and the person I could have been is irrevocably and completely gone.
I read everywhere, online, in books, in the newspaper, I hear everywhere, on the television, in the street, about people going out with their friends that night and having fun or dealing with “drama,” and it makes me feel hollow and sad inside, but I now understand that something very fundamental and very important is missing from my life. I wish I was one of those people who didn’t care about not having any friends b/c something is off with their brain chemistry or maybe they’re just built like that, but I am not one of those people. I am emotionally still a 12-year-old child, lonely and friendless, with the bitterness of an oft-humiliated 21-year-old social reject.
I am perpetually depressed, unmotivated, and I fantasize every day about throwing myself off the Golden Gate Bridge. (I considered other methods, but I think I’d like a fast death.) I would climb up the railing as fast as I could, in case there were guards or something, and fall backwards, looking up at the sky as the last few seconds of my life ticked by. And then there would be nothing. I used to be afraid of death as a child. I wanted to live forever and see how the world had changed, if global warming really did become a big issue and if the world went more green and stuff like that. I didn’t want my consciousness, my mind, the thing that was me to simply leave the world and never be able to witness what it had to offer.
But now I realize that life isn’t meant to be lived this way, without love and happiness. It’s not exactly a short drive to the bridge (I live in the midwest), but an eight-hour car drive or bus pass looks more appealing with every day that passes. I just hope that one day I can muster up the guts to do this, because I don’t want to be 60 years old and realize what a crappy life I had, and wish I had changed this or that. I just want to sever the doubt and regret as they stand and never look back.
All these thoughts have been floating around in my head for quite a while, and I just wanted to get this down somewhere. I know I probably sound extremely ungrateful and whiny (the factory workers who made the laptop I’m typing on right now probably have more serious issues, like fair wage compensation and debilitating physical health) but I’m not really cut out for this world. There is no single thing in this world from which I can derive happiness, except for perhaps the fleeting feeling of joy I get from watching my favorite television show. And that’s just pathetic. I just wanted to post this… yeah…haha. Take care all.
I came across this picture of a widely known celebrity that is not only considered a sex symbol, but is also very well respected because of his talent. Who wouldn’t want to be him? Now, I bet you anything, that if he were to be one of your classmates today, he would most likely be a bullying target. Don’t you think? When you say you are reluctant to think your situation will ever change and that you’re ugly, please think of him:
Like the song I see many people on this site trying to do that, promising all these things and getting people to hold on, like with anyone’s post about peoples problems and feelings it seems everyone or many people can offer advice, but isn’t offering people false advise and false dreams also an act of cruelty it is with this in mind I have not made as many positive comments that I could of, but after all the FAQ for this site tells us that this is not a place to look for salvation and to expect to be saved it is a simple place for telling your story, I by that some people at least know that I understand what its like to have the same pains as them and I can do is tell them I know that feeling, there are a lot of kids on this site that all they really need to do is open up to their parents and tell them whats going on or communicate with them better, I don’t like seeing teenagers on here; I hope they at least give things a bit of a go before they decided to give up. Ultimately I’d like to be happy and I’d like to see everyone else happy but we don’t live in fiction land and reality is what it is, I’d feel it would be often more cruel to give people false hope and try and buy the stairway to heaven and make themselves feel better.
Realistically cynical. William
Nobody seems to understand us teenagers. They say we are being like this for attention or it is our hormones or we are just being silly. It isn’t fair. We have feelings too and people should learn to listen to us. Yeah we may be young and less experienced than some other people but you should listen to what everyone has to say.
IÂ feel so depressed, sad and emptyÂ because nobody will listen.Â Does this happen to anybody else or is it just me?
I feel so alone in this world…
It all started in September of 2010. Two years ago. We met.. He fell for me, and i didnt fall quite as hard for him. I was in a terrible relationship at the time, and he tried to save me.. But try was all he could do.. because i was too stubborn to listen to anyone. Little did i know, he was so in love with me.. it was literally killing him. After my .. lets say “rejection” towards him, he got involved with a girl who would call him saying “Im cutting as we speak.” “If you dont say the right thing in the next 2 minutes im killing myself” They never ended up dating.. But came close enough.. This was around the time he began cutting.
This all lead him to “4south” The place where the mentally ill teenagers go. Around here, we call it a phony insane asylum.. It helps NO ONE! In this place, he met another girl that he fell for. She was and still is deranged. She was admitted for jumping in front of a speeding car. He fell in love with her.. almost instantly.. She was Bulemic, Depressed, Suicidal, Bipolar, and many other things that he did not need in his life during a time he was trying to recover. He tried to fix her. He took her into his own hands.
She led him into a deep dark stage of his life that i never want to see him visit again. He was doing every thing possible to become admitted and see her…. The night my sister had her accident, he OD’d . We were quietly sitting in emerg. Waiting to be called in, when the most painful sight ever graced my eyes. In walked the boy i had fallen for over a year earlier. An intense feeling of sadness over came the room. Bright red blood was dripping from his arms, and his eyes had a hazy look when he collapsed to the floor in front of us.
This was the night i realized he needed me in his life. I wasnt stable my self, seeing as i suffer from manic depression and anorexia, but i would help him…. I was determined. He still does not know this, but i cried myself to sleep that night. He messaged me on facebook, telling me he had been admitted. The reason behind his OD, was her. She made him feel worthless, like he could not help her.. And this made him hate himself, due to the huge heart he has. The night he messaged me, put a spark to a fire we figured was gone out for good.
The day following his release, i payed him a visit. He promised me, that nothing along those lines would ever happen again.. I woke up to a message from his Mother, the next day that read…. “He attempted suicide again.. He hung himself, and i found him laying on the floor gasping for air. He was pronounced legally dead for 3 minutes.. But, he came back .. he is now in 4south. I do not advise you to go see him.”
Against her word, i went and seen the new love of my life.. His neck was a mess. His eyes were dull and faded.. This was because he didnt know how to break up with her, fearing she would commit suicide.
They eventually ended up breaking up.. Him and i became closer friends by the day.. We officially started dating on June 19th 2012. He has had a few rough times while being with me, but nothing huge.. He is now in treatment getting better, and is released in 7 days.. I have not seen him in 2 months.
I am proud to say, I saved him from a bad relationship. I saved him from suicide. I saved his happiness…
Thank you so much for listening.
Just a little preface, I am a 26 year old male who works for the biggest telecommunications company in Canada (I cant say who….) as an Install/Repair technician. I am only mentioning this because it will tie together further on.
Well, I had this one REALLY bad day, and I had suicidal thoughts which would not go away. I wanted to die, just like most other days… I have this one way bridge near my house, and I figured it would be good to hang from. It is a one way bridge, and a few people I know would see me there… The bridge is for a train, which I had the thought of laying on the tracks, but then dismissed it because of the pain that would be involved.
So it was around 12:00AM, and it was pitch black when I decided to go attempt to hang myself. Here is where the first bit about my job comes in. I have some telephone wire just laying around, and I figured it would be a good hanging medium, all while being slightly ironic (because the job is causing a great deal of stress). So, I looked at the one spool, and it only had 4 coductors (wires) within the one wire. I thought maybe it would snap and I would drop to the ground and break a leg and end up in a hospital instead of dead. So, I looked at this other wire I had… It had 6 conductors (wires) in it. I figured PERFECT, this will do. It is strong, and could hold my weight.
I doubled the wire just to be 100% sure it would hold, and tied a slipknot because I don’t know how to do a noose. I had the wire ready to go, all I had to do was climb the hill, and attach it to my head and the bridge, and push off.
So, up the hill I climbed. I was lucky there weren’t any teenagers hanging out there, because they would have judged me and/or called authorities. I sat on the edge of the bridge, for 10-15 minutes, and had a smoke. I took the wire out, and I almost got it around my neck and attached to the bridge, when you never guess what saved my ass,….
I heard rustling in the bush to the left of me. I was looking, and could see a black tail with a bit of white. I knew instantly it was a skunk. The skunk was climbing uphill through the bush, and started walking along the train tracks towards me. I ran like hell back down and inside the house, in fear of being sprayed.
I just got saved by a skunk. I do not know if I would have followed through or not, but I was sure as hell close to the edge and ready to take the next step.
Interesting, to be saved like that. I couldn’t believe it. So my plan was foiled, and now I know I have to do it during the day when there aren’t skunks (lol). Problem is during the day theres usually kids up there screwing around or smoking weed.
I still think about hanging myself, although I do know it would hurt… So I am looking for another method.
I’m thinking about starting to cut to see if it will help release the pain like it used to. I used to do it like over 10 yrs ago… I’m sooo much older now. I always think only teenagers do it (not to put down anyone) but I’ve been thinking about starting it back up lately just to see if it helps. Does it really help? The pain has been getting really bad again… been thinking about going thru with suicide and using helium to accomplish this… but gotta make sure a few things are in order first.
Hi my name Is Emily and I’m 15 years old. I was diagnosed with depression about 7 months ago. My life hasn’t been the same since. I was dealing with my sexuality, paranoia, anxiety, OCD, school,anger problems and cutting. This all led to my horrible depression. I was hospitalized around Christmas time because of aÂ stranglingÂ attempt. I spent Christmas and New Years Eve in the hospital where I stayed for 18 days. Afterwards I started going to an outpatient day program for kids and teenagers with emotional problem called the CDU which stood for Children’s Day Unit. There i met many good friends especially one. Her name was Amanda. I still love her till this day. From the first sight I thought she was so beautiful with her red hair. I had a little crush on her but she told my friend that she was straight and had a boyfriend. So I didn’t even try.Until one day. During a truth or dare game she was dared to kiss me and so she did. Later that day we were alone, we held hands and kissed again. It was the Â last day before spring break started so I wasn’t gonna see her for about two weeks. We spoke on Facebook and I told her about my feeling for her. She agreed to having the same feelings for me. She broke up with her boyfriend. We weren’t a couple but we acted like one. I wanted to be with her but she said she was too stressed to handle a relationship. She told her parents about me which made her parents furious. I felt horrible. She still continued to be close to me no matter what her parents thought. About a month later she was really depressed and so was sent to be hospitalized. She was gone for 22 days. When she came back to the program, her depression seemed worse. She was refusing to kiss me. She lasted 3 days in the CDU before returning back to another hospital for 8 days. She was than not allowed to come back to the CDU and I wouldn’t see her because I live in New York and she lives in New Jersey. I cried so much when she told me over Facebook. I was going to kill myself. I told myself I couldn’t live without her. She decided to call my therapist who called my parents. I was than hospitalized for 12 days. In the hospital I spoke to her through the phone and got horrible news that we were forbidden from seeing eachother by our therapists and her parents. We both cried on the phone. I was sure to die. After my 12 days in the hospital, I returned to the same hospital 3 days later after I attempted to strangle myself and I drank bleach. I was there for 7 days this time. When returning home I spoke to her through Facebook but she wouldn’t respond. I finally messaged her saying : “I know you’ve moved on but I just want you to know that I will never forget you”. She finally responded. She said that she loved me. She asked for my address so she can send me something in the mail. So I gave it to her. Now i’m waiting for it. Thank one horrible night i got a message from her mother who said all contact from us was to be broken. She even blocked her from me on Facebook. Now I have no contact with her. I love her so much but I can’t deal with not talking to her or seeing her. I need her in my life or i’ll die. Today I feel really suicidal and I do not know what to do. I’m still wondering if she even cares anymore…
Ive tried to tell myself that it was just a phase, for the fact that it is common for a teenager of the female gender to develop feelings, or in my case, fall in love, with their male best friend. And since I run every feeling and thought underneath a “Logic” magnifying glass, I’ve been able to coax myself into believing that when I fell in love with my best friend at the age of 15 it was because of the fact that we had known each other for so long before we were teens, that the reason that he was my first kiss is given credit to the standard rising of a teenagers hormones.
But I’m 18 now and my first love has, for two years now, been wooed by some other gorgeous girl but, I, the tomboy he was in love with still holds his heart with no intentions of letting go. When our pathsÂ cross, and they do cross often, he stares at me still,Â and now i’m a girly woman, that wears makeup and dresses…but he stares at me like he did the night of our first kiss when i was wearing basketball shorts and a wifebeater. His girlfriendÂ sneers at me from behind him, for she knows she is the brick wall between us.Â We both catch him staring at me when I go to refill my drink at our McDonalds..where she works and WE used to hang out..She knows that I was the reason he was late to her house..but she doesnt know that we meandered down to the pond and satÂ side by side in the grass beneath the silver moonlight and he told me he missed me. I think about him constantly, every day since we fell in love at 15, 3 short years ago. Is this just some silly teenage love? When will it pass? It HAUNTS me…and I dont think i can take itÂ any longer.
Hi my name is bryan… i am bored about this life cause there isnt any exciting for me i dont have a big quanty of friend a others teenagers i am from southamerica i dont have girlfriend i am so lonely i have parents but sometimes i think that i am only an error… i am not the perfect student i dont have too much money my dad isnt a good father he only says that i have to be the best he dont know why he only want that and what i recieve nothing he had promess lot of thing to me… i have another name, it is scott mates in school used to call me scrott (scott + scrotum) i am not a good looking man i am fat, not black skinned but not white. people thing that i am stupid i am always insecure of me if i do something incorrect that would be the end for my social life but as i said i dont have a good one… so i dont know what to say… i am not why i am here in this life as other teens would think i will study be the best Â in my classroom but what happen next if i die all i ve done owuld be for nothing… i am not good at sport … so i dont what to do
Last night I went to one of my best friendâ€™s house. She
asked if I wanted to go get ice cream and when I said yes her face lit up. She
kept asking if I was sure, as we drove to the ice cream place, as we stood in
line, as we ordered. I spent the night and this morning we went into her
kitchen and devoured all the food we could find, like normal teenagers. Â After everything we ate she would offer
something else, I would say yes, and she would just smile cheek to cheek. Afterwards
we went to a pool and while floating on our rafts she looked at me and said â€œYou
know you look prettier when you eat. Ribs arenâ€™t cute, and when you starve you
always look sad and like you are dying. Thank you for getting better, youâ€™re beautiful.â€
Iâ€™ve been recovering from an eating disorder for a month or so now, every day
is a battle, but watching my friendâ€™s happiness made me so thankful that I
found the strength in myself to do it.