I’m a liar because I wont tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes im wrong. I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect. I’m a push over because I like making people happy. I’m a loser because I’m a not friend with your group. I’m fake because I’m too nice. I’m weird because I’m not like you. I’m fat because I eat when I’m hungry. I’m clingy because I don’t like to be alone. I’m insecure because I care about what people think of me. I’m no fun because I’m not always hyper? Don’t try to tell me who I am BecauseI already know! </3
July 2013
sleeping is good. I like sleep.
It’s like death, but without the committment…
went out today. first time this summer holiday. wore a midi dress for the first time this year but felt too exposed and walked around for 3 hours with my wool shawl pulled and hugged tight against my body in the sweltering heat. Today i was being judged to see if he wants me as part of his possy, so to speak. my best friend is part of the group, she said they’re nice and friendly. i didnt notice though, i was too absorbed in my anxious thoughts, looking out for people from school that i’d have to hide from. People make me uncomfortable. he […]
I’m done. I can’t believe I have to keep waking up for the next… what? How long? I don’t know what is going to happen with my marriage or anything else. I don’t know how my … self… is going to affect my kids. How long am I going to just be getting from one end of the day to the other? I don’t want to say it’s unfair, because no one’s inflicting it on me. I don’t know how God works, but I know God doesn’t work like this. Personal freedoms, free-will, poor choices, poor judgment.. Tendencies toward self destruction, self harm, self abuse. […]
I love my wife and Kids, but I am as low as I have ever been. Â I lost my job, and this forces us to move to a new town. Â My wife resigned her job, my kids 7 and 5 will enter new schools and we will be on my salary alone. Â The pressure is killing me. Â I have never been so close to ending it all. Â I have a new job, I have a good new job, it’s hard for me to see it. Â I’ve been so low for so long. Â My kids bring me joy, that’s why i don’t end it all.
I feel […]
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I’ve been suicidal for many years and, to an extent, most of my life. Not a manic obvious case of suicide but a quite, calm and patient case. It was supposed to all happen tomorrow, Friday, July 26th 2013 but won’t.
I realized recently that my plan all this time was not the right way to go about things. The plan was to take my friend’s handgun and walk from his place to the nearby hospital. There I would warn the staff about the events that were going to take place, to prepare surgery for my organ donation, and to clear out the area so that […]
About a week ago I found this site and decided to tell me story. There were some people who advised me to reconsider my suicide. The last couple of days I have been thinking, over thinking and rethinking the idea of taking my own life. And I have come to the conclusion that I will do it.
I know what it means to be death, there is no coming back or any way to reclaim your body. I’m calm about taking my own life because death, in my eyes, is a way to finally let everything rest.
“It’s not suicide if you’re already dead insideâ€.
Before I finally […]
Last night, I had a bittersweet dream…….. I wasn’t depressed and I was with my friends and family and we were having a good time. I cant remember all the details just little bits and pieces. I remember me and my old best friend were  at the beach with two girls laughing, having fun, happy, smiling, and enjoying the time. when I awoke this morning and realized I was still here and that I had been dreaming it felt like I had been punched in the heart. To come back to reality and realize none of those things happened is devastating. I wish I could […]
I want to feel I’m punishing myself, I feel like this since I was teenage. looking for the most painful methods, hate life, hate myself, planning attempting.
I want to shoot the point between my breasts, aim to my heart, I could shoot my stomach first just for pain. if I didnt die, I’d shoot my heart.
Ever wish the road never ended..? That you just keep going when the wind feels like a whisper.. and the sky is as clear as a tear..? That you’re feelings never crept up to snatch you up. Careless. Carefree. Nothing to worry about.. Cry about.. Think about. The wind just kissing you softly and singing sweet lullaby’s as your feet slowly move like robots..? Just able to look up and smile.. a big smile.. and a laugh.. Something.., you’re not able to do right now. Looking at the never ending beautiful road ahead. Going forward.. and not backward.. Saying goodbye to everything that has made […]
Pretty sure I’ll be doing it within a month. I’ve decided on a hanging, I’ve looked into the subject a lot and the best options are expensive, and the other options can leave you pretty messed up. Hanging can too of course but has a higher success rate and is cheap to do. I knew a guy who tried shooting himself in the hospital during a previous attempt so even guns aren’t a guarantee but nothing is really. I don’t really expect anyone to read this, I notice most posts on here don’t have comments, so either no one reads or no one cares. That’s […]
I have about three weeks to plan this. Because i’m planning suicide I would like to leave my family with as little to do as possible. and it’s kind of odd if i start making my own slide shows lol i want to make a blog like way for them to easily access information though music is how id like to express myself; there are just so many songs to chose from. am i going to be hated because i committed suicide? My sister is VERY AGAINST it and i would like to leave her with science backed […]
Just recently I’ve had these thoughts I’ve felt so empty insistent no one can help me is what I feel I have been through hell and back In my life when I was little I was abused in more ways than one by my biological father and then ever since I’ve gotten older I’ve been made fun of for everything about me I just recently found out my papa has lung cancer and every one in my family hates the one I truly love I am always being bitched at for.things I shouldn’t get yelled at for I take care of a kid that’s not […]
as a person I can generally endure alot losing friends, doing bad in school, arguments with my family, deadlines, a slowly declining bank account and other daily stresses i can survive a lot on my own but today everything kindof just got to me a litl bit. Today i felt my heart seriously racing im not even exagerrating it got to the point where i thought i was gona hav a heart attack. Im on the skinny side too it wasnt really due to physiological causes it was mostly just me getting to that level of stress. im striving to b a doctor/surgeon n im […]
Very often, in fact, my normal state, I wake up feeling afraid of what I am going to have to do next. The way in which I am going to expose my self to threats and porbably meet pain & suffering. This makes me feel that I want to suicide quickly, I feel hopless, that I am better off not alive anymore.
I have to do this things that make me feel in danger.
Well, my friend wants me to try shrooms with him and i don’t know if i should or not. im not afraid of being fucked up im afraid of what actions i might act on that are in my head.. whether it be harming myself or finally snapping and going off on some “friends”
im afraid the thoughts in my mind will turn into reality and then ill be trapped in my own helish […]
At a very young age, at about 7, I accepted that, in my words and thoughts at the time, “sometimes other people will have what you aren’t meant to”. At the time, I was referring to far simpler things, yet still…. despite feeling very deprived, I struggled on trying to get what I could out of life. Life never seemed to give me back anything for my trying.
See…. by 3 years old, I had already had the skin of my hands boiled off. I don’t remember the event itself, but I sure remember the way my hands looked afterward. I also remember the fact […]