So yesterday I felt bad…today felt even worse… I googled “suicide” looking for help and ended up on that site “Suicide – Read This First” (and it eventually led me here). On that site I read the part about how people who’ve survived suicidal periods are like other trauma survivors in that they can exhibit symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I really recognized myself so much in that. I’ve struggled with depression all my life (26 years old now) and an especially bad suicidal period about three years ago that included 1 almost-attempt just before my 23rd birthday. And I got through it and have […]
July 2013
I’ve planned out the day and time and how to do it. But then when the times comes how come I can’t do it? What is stopping me?
My method is chosen, my time is chosen, my place is chosen. For the first time in my life I have had the right to choose. Do you know how great that feels? There was an expression once used that went â€Choose Life†I never had the choice of life. I had instead the “license†to live as dictated by others, events, regulations. And I in turn have warped others “life choicesâ€, sometimes for good and sometimes negatively. But now I have the one true right that every human deserves, the right to end suffering.
Anyone else paranoid on this site about the prospect of police showing up to bring you to the hospital. I swear whenever my parents arent sleeping and keep checking on me at night I think they are just keeping me safe until an ambulance can come and bring me to the hospital. Truly frightens me.
It has been just over 3 years now. Three long, empty and meaningless years, with questions, sleepless nights and tears.
I have always lived the average life until I got together with this girl, she was a piece of heaven. Back then I was 19 years and still a virgin. I never had a relationship before, I never even kissed a girl before. I always said to myself that I wanted to “save†everything for the girl of my dreams and now I had found her.
We were perfect together. We were each others better half. There are no word to describe how happy we were and […]
Still hoping I can gather the courage I need. I keep going on each day either having a pretty good day or feeling like total shit… I tried to go and do similer stuff to what he has done… but can not bring myself to.. I dont even fucking care it dose nothing for me.. what was the draw for him… this shit means nothing without some form of emotion behind it… why was I not good enough.. pretty enough… why did I not mean enough?? why could he not respect me us our family? god.. just one more day… then help me please have […]
Please text me ill listen 206-972-5903.
Anyone feel like they missed an opportunity to finally get out of depression and maybe make some kind of life out of your…life? I think I had that chance but I was too depressed and caught up in suicidal planning. Now I am alive and wishing I had considered the fact that I might live. I regret that I got frustrated and ignored people and pushed them out of my life. Most of all though I think its a way of depression to fuel itself. First, it makes me miss an opportunity, then it makes me obsessively regret that missed opportunity. So I get more […]
I lost, I give up now. How much more can I take? you keep pushing me, never have I ever feel so defeated, you won. I heard it’s so easy to OD, just heroin and alcohol, right? such beautiful peaceful departure, no more of this agonizing pain. I won’t have live my life anymore, for it is such a misery and so lonely, now and forever. Why do I have to put up with this if I don’t want to? Isn’t it at least my choice to want out? Why is suicide so bad? Why do you think people who committed it or want to […]
by myself
in the dark
staring at a tv
getting high and drunk.
i guess this is it…
I’ve been trying not to do this but I need to speak to someone.
If anyone on here has a Kik, mine is AlliEatsChildren.
Someone should Kik me? I ask with very low expectations that anyone will. But it’s worth a try. IÂ would say email but honestly I don’t use my email at all.
You know what is just HILARIOUS? Please allow me to share.
What’s hilarious is when you are dating a guy and your guy best friend fucks your boyfriend.
What’s hilarious is when they both lie to you about it and hide it from you.
What is really fucking hilarious is when you find out, and your friend starts crying.
What’s even more hilarious is when you try to leave your boyfriend after it and do nothing but cry and cut the next week.
What is just fucking hysterical is when you have so much self hatred that you believe that no one could ever love you, and your now-ex is […]
That sure has been the case with a few of my most important posts. 😛
I hate everything about the world. Today my dad got mad at me because I was by myself at a theme park looking for my group. He says I would have “no chance” against any fat fuck trying to pull me into a van because I’m “16 and 5-foot nothing.” Also, yesterday, I was out walking, and a boy in a car rolled down a window and shouted “Take it off, *****!” at me. I’ve gone through this a number of times. I’ve been whistled at and shouted at by boys […]
I hate how I feel better for like an hour and then it all comes crashing back down on me. I can finally breath again but then no I’m robbed of my breath. It makes me mad. But most of all it just makes me want to sit and cry.
so I don’t know where to even start, I’m going to college this fall. I don’t know if Im excited or not about it… I don’t want to leave my family, I hate them at times and get in fights with them but I still think I will miss them a little even though I’ve been dying to get out for years cause I cant take all there shit. Im bi and I feel like that is going to stop me from making friends and I’m worried about that already. I have horrid anxiety and depression and so thats not helping at all. I haven’t […]
Sam Worth was my friend. He battled depression for many years after his family was taken from him. His wife died in childbirth, his daughter 4 years later from cancer. He told me once that SP saved his life. That he met people here who truly understood and wanted to help. In return he tried to help where he could. I know because he helped me. a lot.
He died in hospital last week. Cancer.
Goodbye, friend.
I have anxiety, stress. When I wake up everyday I am in a state of panic. It takes about 30 mins of meditation to slow to heart rate from about 130 down to 70 beats per minute. My girlfriend says I shout in my sleep sometimes. After I slow my heart I can think straight again. But it takes about another hour before I can actually eat anything. So I get up every day around 6.
I can feel my heart all the time. When someone says something to me, I can actually feel how my body has reacted to it in my pulse and in […]
I resolved today to kill myself by August 22nd. First I fired my therapist. I had been seeing her for four years, but don’t feel any better. Next I found the family shotgun and started researching how to load it and where I can go to practice. Next I researched ******** bag deaths and put together a list of what I need to do learn how to do that. I wrote a list of practical things that will need to be done after my death (where my birth certificate it, where my bank account is, etc.).
I have been […]
I used to feed these cats across the street. I got them spayed and neutered. I fed them for 10 years and the man took the key away. Now the cats are starving. They are known as feral. They do not know how to hunt. I am sad for them trying to help them. I will someway. I am sad and scared. I am scared all the time. Im not sure why I am so scared all the time. Maybe it is my father who used to hit me all the time when I […]
I don’t know how to write this, I’ve never written something like this before, so I guess il just start, I’m sorry if it sounds stupid or doesn’t make sense.
I don’t know how much longer I can feel this way, I had an amazing weekend, I was happy for the first time in years, but alas, 5 days on and I am back to where I began. I have a psychologist that I see and sometimes a psychiatrist, also two people from a subsection of the nhs who come and check on me as I am 17.
I was going to be admitted to a hospital […]